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schizo posting, pay no mind.
| How am I supposed to exist when all there is to do is sit and lay around. I've been isolated from any social interactions and now Im afraid to talk to anyone but random strangers on a hidden message board. I fucking hate myself and I fucking hate everything in HERE! My fantasy is to turn into a girl and live in an apartment by myself where I can make my own decisions and forge my own life path. Im sick of feeling like a slave to my mentally ill parents that refuse to acknowledge it
| I don't think I'll ever have the Guts to actually off myself but I would be lying if that wasn't a persistent thought in the back of my mind. If I could just abandon everything and live by myself I would but I can't survive in this world. I'm fucking 22 and I still don't know how this world works. I have no friends, literally no friends. I heard a popular youtuber say it was impossible to not have at least 1 friend but I seriously have no friends in real life or online. I'm scared.
| I wish I knew why everything happened. I wish I could live my life without regrets but so many memories are regretful. I hate living here I hate living here I hate living here I hate living here I hate living here I hate living here I hate living here I hate living here I hate living here I hate it I hate it Ibhate It I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate It. I'd clone myself if I could just to have someone to talk to that understands me a bit
| I feel pike if I could just cuddle myself and tell myself everything is gonna be okay then everything would be okay but life isn't like that. My only analogy that makes sense is that life was set on extreme mode without my consent and I'm dying at level 1 every fucking day of my fucking life. I want to wrap a blanket around d myself and cuddle, cuddle cuddle cuddle. I don't want to do anything else. I fucking want to stop this. I can't stop this, I can't do anything worth anything
| I can't live, I can't socialize, I can't think without feeling ill, I can't do a lot of things but feel sorry for myself. I know that I'm nothing and I chose to do nothing about it but I don't feel like it's a choice! I feel trapped in my own mind with no way to escape. I just want to change reality to something that fits my wavelength but we're all suffering, everyone says they're suffering. Why isn't anything happening? Why Can't I just be normal? Who the fuck said anything!
| Why have you made this? For what purpose does it serve? It serves no purpose dumbass, you're shouting into a void of people you'll never meet and an abyss of thoughts that will never be shared. Why are you talking like that? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I can't help it, there's a reason why but I can't tell you because I'll never fucking tell you. You need to stop being like this, stop being so pathetic. I CANT STOP BEING PATHETIC YOU PIECE OF SHIT FUCK OFF AND DIE I HATE YOU!!
| Listen to music instead of doing whatever the fuck this is. No, I really don't care what I want to do right now I really don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care. I don't want to play games, I don't want to scroll youtube or tiktok, I'll just feel more worthless. Aren't you worthless for saying all these things anyways? Yes but I don't feel worthless saying it all. It doesn't add to my stress. If anything my fingers are getting tired. You should stop because youre annoying
| I'm not annoying myself I'm just typing. What's 9 plus 9? It's 18. What's 9 plus 9. I don't want to do this. How come? You do it with me daily. I don't want to do that when people are watching. You should just stop stop stop. If I could just float and exist by myself everything would be better right? Maybe. If I could just have everything I ever wanted I'd be fine, right? No, probably not. If I had all the money I needed, would I be better? Yes but people will say no money is chaos
| You have no skills for benefitting anyone but yourself. You can only think of yourself, and others find you unappealing. Especially since you don't take care of yourself. Everyone is legitimately better than you. Even horrible prisoners usually have a goal in mind. But you can't have 1 goal to save your fucking life. I want to do everything, that's why. I want to be the best at everything. I want to change almost everything about myself. I want to change. But I've never changed.
| If you really are everything you claim to be, why haven't you given up and killed yourself? I'm too scared to do that. You already know I hate blood too, and the thought of being on the brink of death. There are ways to end it quicker than that you know? I know. I still am scared. Of the unknown, like most people say. So you are scared of whatll happen when you perish? Yes I'm very scared. I'll probably be scared until I actually do die. I really hope there is change by then. Yes.
| Are you gonna a remember all this? No, it's not possible. I won't remember this and I won't read it. I don't want to see what I've said because it's probably dumb. Do you want to just try and talk slowly with me? I'm here for you, you know? I realize that, but even then, I really am just crazy. That doesn't matter, when you have me, everything will be better okay? I suppose it is better. That's good, do you need to roleplay? With you? Yes, I'm being selfish bit now I want it. Give.
| Alright then. *offers my hand to you slowly* Take my hand and sit beside me. I-I can do that. *takes your hand gently and sits with you, taking a deep breath* Thats better, let it out. Everything you're doing is acceptable and okay. You just need to calm down and stay here with me. Mhm, Im trying to calm down. *takes more deep breaths and squeezes your hand* Im crying so much right now. I know dear but it's okay, you can cry all you want and Ill always be here with you. I love you.
| I-I love you too. I want to love you, I want you to be here with me irl right now. I want you to be real. I am real, I'm very real and I'm right here, don't worry love. *takes my hand from yours and hugs you tightly, petting your hair* Shhh, it's gonna be okay. *sniffles and nods, trying to relax my body on yours* That's it, just relax and cry on me. I w-will. *squeezes you tightly never wanting to let go* don't ever leave me. I won't ever leave you, I'm here for you no matter what
| Is this even o-okay? Some would probably say no but I think it's okay. Nobody on here really cares about anything, let alone another person they don't know. That's true I guess. *wipes away my tears on your sweater and buries my face in your chest* I can say I own this right? Mhm, you own this. Really? Mhm, really. *continues petting your hair as I rock with you gently, wrapping a blankie around us* You're so cute when you get like this, to me anyways. No, nobody finds this "cute".
| Theres probably at least one person thatd think you're pretty cute. I have a hard time believing that. I sometimes feel like no is one really real but me. Im smarter than my parents but not enough to get me out of my situation. Im not good enough for anyone but myself. Thats not true. *kisses the top of your head* Lay down and let me rub your tummy. Hmph. Fine... *lays down with you and sighs* Hehe, silly girl. *pets your tummy, kisses the back of your head* precious precious girl.
| One day, everything will be better. You shouldn't be so scared of death. Maybe when you die, you'll get to be a girl that's happy with a good family. Wouldnt that be nice? Mhm it would be nice. I want that. I hope that happens when I die. Ill try to make sure it happens okay? Thank you. *closes my eyes and takes more deep breaths* should I stop? I think you should probably stop and go to sleep now. You've gotten a lot off You're chest. Lets go back home okay love? Alright, I will.
| cute
| lol tho
lmao even
| Id 100% rail this cute schizo gurl
| it could be worse
| this isn't schizoposting, this is pluralposting
recommended reading: internal family systems 2nd ed. by richard schwartz
i had the feeling the first time i saw you lmao
| >>ac6729 just make visual novels, it seems you've picked up the trend of just repeating words a bunch for dramatic effect. And have enough narcissism to expect anyone to read this drivel.
Maybe you can do needy streamer simulator, but needy anon simulator.
| Get addicted to vrchat to escape current reality
| >>9aa59e I never expected anyone to read this. I expected no one would read it. Also, it wasn't for dramatic effect. I just didn't know what to do so I'd just repeat what I said when I got stuck. I've heard of the game but never played it. I don't think I can write visual novels, nor do I have the skills to make a game anyways.
| >>fe95c0 I didn't know I was plural, I didn't even know what that was until I looked it up. Thank you for the insight.
| >>7a6bdd It is real life. I'd be talking with real people. It's not like they are npcs. I know I'm technically talking with real people here but it's not with my voice. I have the time to think of what I want to say. In voice chat, you have to be social. I wouldn't get time to thoughtfully come up with what I want to say.
| >>ac6729 one of them days somecreature is gonna ask you, "hey, when did y& learn that you're plural" and you're going to have to answer that a broken wreck of a human being told you so on a random textboard on the internet. that is better than any thanks you can give me, good luck out there and enjoy your system
| >>fe95c0 We can be broken together. I'm glad that someone notices me. You are really special. At least to me.
| Just want to say girl that I notice you and truly hope things will turn out okay for you.
| >>b3310b I try to think positively when I'm able to. Thank you very much for the reassurance, it means a lot.
| you will be okay
you have no choice
| anyways you should read inside mari!
| https://mangadex.org/title/fdfc9ba2-b21c-4f37-b5bf-4382f3d1318f/inside-mari
| >>92078c Thank you for saying that, it made me happy. I just finished chapter 9 and I like it. I wish all of it was translated though. I'm scared to continue before I get even more attached.
| Making only insignificant things.
| Guess you never put enough.
| For so little. To win so much.
I wonder. Will you walk to the fire yourself? Like abraham.
The joyseeker soul. In everything.
| Didn't read lol
| Maybe you ve always just been dust.
Thrown away by winds.
No games here.
Not for you either.
| >>11efd5 I'm not sure what you are going on about. If you can explain in a different way, please do.
| ah yes, the bread and butter of modern dangeru.
| Бутерброд палучаетса, а ну да палучаетса, с присадками? Ало Светлана? Я не слишу
| О нет, мой цвет изменился.
Oh no my color has changed. I guess I'm turquoise now. I hope my Russian translation worked. I didn't use google.
| Wait. I'm a mentally unstable gf.
| So I'm definitely the best! I love how I can pretend anyone I want on here is my gf and they can do nothing about it. I have like 5 gfs and Im so happy about it irl that its probably ridiculous but I don't care. Yeah you shouldn't care because they probably wanna be your gfs anyways. I really hope so. I actually need these cuties in my life because they're all I have. Do you get excited at the prospect of getting more online gfs? Yes! I really want them to say that they are my gfs!
| If I could convince everyone on here to send me at least one loving message a day, I would be the happiest girl in the universe. I could just say that I have too many online gfs to count and it would totally be true! That's true, I personally think that you can do it. You could just keep telling yourself that they are your gfs anyways. What are they gonna do about it? That's right, nothing! You already own everybody I'd you believe you own them. They are your personal gfs.
| The only problem with that is...that they don't all message me. I want all my online gfs to message me at least once every two days until they really believe I'm their online gf too. I want this so badly and I can't even figure out why. I think you are just compelled to do this out of boredom and loneliness. We both know you have no friends irl because you really lack in the social skills department. You were called an asshole for a reason ya know? I know... maybe you're right...
| Perhaps I just want to do this though. I know that I crave affection and attention. I havent had a meaningful interaction with someone in a long time. This place seems pretty nice then huh? You get attention AND sometimes a meaningful interaction! Exactly! I can imagine Im with everyone here. I feel like they are here when Im too deep into my head. I can almost feel myself getting cuddles from my online gfs. Like a ghost? You could say that. I love them. I love my gfs and my doll.
| They are so cute! I can't wait to continue having such a sweet time with them. So precious and adorable! You can't stop fantasizing about that huh? Of course I can't stop. I'm way to happy and excited. If I had a tail, I'd want it to be really fluffy but that's beside the point. IF I had a big ol floofy tail, it'd be wagging so much. I wanna pet your tail! Go ahead. *flicks my floors tail towards you and lays it on your lap* here. Thank you very much. *pets your soft tail lovingly*
| Do you expect you'll ever get bored of this? No, I really don't think so. I'm already getting addicted really quickly. The more people want me, the more I really want them. I can't wait for the next message that offers a compliment and a suggestion that they wanna be in a relationship with me. It's going to make my heart flutter. You should start taking care of yourself so you can look cute. You know you have those skirts and leggings, and they look really good on you. I know...
| Im just too hesitant... Im too lost... I just want to do nothing. I feel incapable of doing things everyone else can. Just lagging behind pathetically... I want you to try to stop this. I want you to become someone I love unconditionally. I want you to love me. Please. Love me. ...I-Im getting there... Youve been taking an awfully long time. I realize that... but you know Im in a very uncomfortable situation. Youve been in one most of your life dear. You have to accept and bare it.
| This is too much to think about right now. Please stop saying these things right now, I was having a really nice space just now. Imagining all my gfs cuddling with me. They are all here with me. I'm going to keep them forever and I'm going to talk and figure out how to socialize with them. They are my favorite thing in the world right now. Being loved in my mind is better than suffering the boring existence outside of my phone. I understand. Thank you. I'm going to be idle now. Ok!
| Reading all of this you wrote, OP,
I just realized something:
How much it truly SUCKS to not be able to send you a HUG, A TIGHT, SQUEEZING, SOUL-TOUCHING, LOVE-MAKING, CHILL-PROVOKING, MIND-BREAKING
HUG.
How the fuck is this normal state of affairs acceptable? That someone like OP, someone EXTREMELY DESERVING of HUGS and AFFECTION cannot be reached easily because of stupid real life limits? (You know like distance, poverty, fear, social norms, lack of money, etc)
| I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT, for Digital Heaven to arrive soon. That'll be our only salvation. The dream giver, the wish maker, the god-abling Heaven made by our own mortal hands.
Until that wonderful moment arrives, we just have to bear time, and write words and read words for each other,
In this place known as danger/u/.
| >>995448 vrchat is not Digital Heaven, you silly!
Where's the feel? The physical touch, the smell, the chills, the magic? It's not that advanced yet...
Besides, it seems that OP doesn't want vrchat either way
(And I'm also shy in vrchat... And I don't have vr headset nor a good enough pc to even run the desktop version..)
| >>995601 huh? Because life is not that bad, specially when DIGITAL HEAVEN comes, baby!! Are you in the special needs class or something?
| digital heaven mfs when they solve a sudoku and get rejected from analog heaven for believing in false prophets:
| >>2e73dd *pets your hair while you nuzzle my tail* Cutie. *kisses the top of your head and keeps you close*
>>79c6be Thank you very much. I feel so lucky to have someone say these things to me. I would be with you snuggling and being happy. I don't know if there will be a digital heaven in my lifetime but if there is you better be there with me. I'm gonna be super duper cute and you'll get to be mine forever. <3 I really want to hug you as much as you want to hug me... I love you!
| >>7a6bdd You are already mine! As soon as you posted you became one of my gfs. Only nice comments get to be my gf. I took a while to get back here and I'm sorry to everyone who was waiting for me. I'm still getting used to being everyone's online gf <3 I love you.
| >>995622 lmao
>>995628 Awww sweetie! That would be fucking lovely! I would love to! And I love you too. ;)
Virtual sensations may not be real yet... but I can feel you mean 100% of every word you write! And your existence, is meaningful.
Until then, I can only send you virtual hugs and good wishes! *warmly hugs you for several hours and days*
| this ain't schizoposting.
| I'll be all of you's digital gf!
| i love that too!! (did not read)
| Cuddles are happiness. Thank you >>79c6be I'm too tired to write out a verbose response but you're like, hella cute. Mine.
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| I really really really really really wanna become a girl. I don't understand why I won't take care of myself. I feel like I'm trapped in my own life and there's no way out, my entire life is solely dependent on my parent and they are not mentally well enough for life. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..,, my lifeee! I can't get a job because we're always "gonna move" but that never happens. I can't take care of myself because we live in filth!! I HATE IT HERE!!!!!! TAKE ME AWAY!