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My conscisnce is catching up to me.
| I do not live in luxury, but I am safe and secure. I'm doing well at work and maintain healthy friendships. I don't believe I deserve any of it, and I despise myself for how I obtained it. Yet surprisingly, my best friend and confidant, who is also a survivor, looks up to me. She thinks I've done much better than most people in my situation could've, and she's asked me for tips on how to be more charming(!).
The world is a strange and confusing place, fellow g/u/rls.
| We do what we can and the curse of living in the present is believing that we could've made other choices that would've given better outcomes, but we have no idea what would've happened had you chosen B over A. Try not to beat yourself up about it and make peace with the past and move forward.
| alternatively, kill yourself to end the suffering
| Gotta do what you gotta do. It's not your fault you were in the situation you were in.
Beating yourself up over the past ain't gonna change anything, and I wouldn't say you necessarily were wrong in what you did.
Also "surely there were better options if I had looked hard enough"
I hate that shit. If it was that hard to see any other options then there wasn't any. Simple as that.
You're in a better position now. Enjoy it. Celebrate it. You survived.
That's a good thing.
| ok my bad im sorry
| i was up at 5 am typing out whatever came to mind im sorry if that hurt you
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| Throughout my "career", I've broken a lot of hearts. Every time I wake up, I'm surrounded by the trinkets of loves I've sparked and then abandoned for my material gain. A painting on my bedroom wall, a plush toy in my arms, even the PC I am writing to you from.
For the longest time, I told myself that it was simply what I needed to do to survive, but surely there were better options if I had looked hard enough.