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Tired Bitch Back Again
| I honestly don't know the last time I felt properly happy. Was it before my grandmother fell ill in 2012? Or was it when I finally got a larger room than the repurposed "bedroom" I was in for two years?
Before you say "Just go to therapy", I can't. I don't want my father to feel like a failure. He's already under enough stress as things are. I don't want his only son to go to fucking therapy.
I just want my friends to be happy, and I feel I can't hardly even accomplish that anymore
| I feel like such a vile caricature of what I used to be, such a bright and creative joy to my friends, always making everyone happy.
Now what, I sit at home all day, trying to make what little money I have last, while simultaneously doing everything possible to not feel like a parasite to my family.
I just feel so pissed off all the time now, at the mistakes I've made, that I continue to make, the failure incarnate I've turned to.
| *ffucks your moth*
| Yep, all you can do is inject hopium straight to your veins. Don't have much else to say other than try to preserve what happiness you do find; you can, will, and do deserve to find and keep that happiness. People sunk in your situation are in their ooze of self pity.
| Cute OP
| You're a different person now. You can choose to guide yourself by what your old self wanted, or you can choose to search for what happiness is to you today.
There's no right way, but OP? You know always were, are, and will be the right person for your happiness.
Get some sex.
| I feel like a lot of us have been there.
As the other g/u/rls already said, all you can really do is stick around, try your best, try things out, inject hopium
and Get some sex.
| Honestly I expected y'all to just say "We've been there, just gotta tough through it", guess that I must do such as there isn't really any other option.
Funny thing is; I know exactly what I need to do to improve my life (Get a job), but out of the hundreds of applications I've put out, with certifications and experience, nobody wants to hire.
Thank you g/u/rls for the input. I'll stick around and struggle on with the bullshit I'm sure to be dealt.
| When does it get better? Everyone says that it gets better at some point but when?
| Have sex and have fun
| OP, have you thought about online therapy though? I'm aware you don't want therapy, but perhaps hiding it online could help you?
| You gotta learn to forgive yourself. Sometimes the best we can do is accept the fact that we've made mistakes and try to not make any in the future. You arent your past self and that is as much of a good or bad thing that you make it. keep on truckin man
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| Vent thread too, I guess.
I'm tired of everything, g/u/rls. The politics everywhere, the economy, this rapidly tarnishing and depressive short life I've lived. How few friends I'm comfortable talking to about any of this. I have been aimless and jobless since I graduated, and I've been trying for almost a year now to get a job. Failing every application.
I can't sleep easy, my mind always full of thoughts and regrets, "What if I did this?..." and all that stupid shit.