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Sexless relationship starting to get to me
| it's not so much about sex, i think i just have a hard time feeling wanted or useful and my last relationship just really fucked up my mental in that regard. Is there even advice for this?
| This is the sort of thing that people go to relationship counselors for, to be honest. Sex and etc are a big part of relationships because they're a significant source of intimacy, and everyone has a level of intimacy that they require to function normally. It's unfortunate that the both of you differ on this (especially due to abuse related trauma) but all good relationships require constant, honest communication and working out a compromise. You've been together two years- surely you can work something out?
| >>851653 this
Also think you could try finding other ways, right? Like, other, non-sexual ways to be intimate and stuff for to feel useful.
Your thing with using sex as a way to feel useful is pretty common. Know plenty people who don't even care too much about it but crave it mainly because they feel it's all they're good for. To feel useful and wanted.
So maybe finding some nice non-sexual ways to please him could help your mental a bit.
| I mean, i do a lot of housework and all. I cook a lot and even pack him cute lunches for work and baked goods for his coworkers. We are very good with communication and just acts of service for eachother in general, but sexual trauma related effects are apparent for both of us but in opposite ways.This feeling comes and goes for me, sometimes i dont even think about it for a long while, but other times i feel very lonely and like we're just close friends that just so happen to kiss
| His last serious relationship fell apart because of the same thing, she ended up cheating on him with his friend because he wasn't intimate with her. Sometimes he brings up that he's very worried I'll leave him because of that too.. he always asks if it's really okay that it's like this and i really dont know what to say besides that it's okay for now..
| I mean it'd take a lot of effort but if you both feel it's worth it and want a future together I'd say working on your traumas would be a good start, probably separately with professionals of course
| What does close friends who just kiss even mean lol. Is that not how you see your so? The way you wrote at first made me think you didn't even go past first base.
The two of you def need to work your issues out. For him, he'll keep pushing people out his life if it keeps up, unless he finds an ace.
| For you, your only two solutions are to be patient or to end the relationship. You sound like you're forcing yourself through this though. At some point, if he doesn't get it together, you're going to have to leave. But if you care so much about him, I don't see why you can't help him through this as a friend.
| How about.. you both try to go to therapy? Clearly you both have unresolved traumas in the intimacy dept. I think it would really help you both. You also said that you're both good at communicating with each other. Im sure that if he loves you, he would understand where you're coming from in the same way that you understand his pain. Maybe you can both meet halfway and work something out.
| I somehow relate to your bf because im in the same boat. It's hard for me to be intimate in a sensual sense because it brings so many painful memories. If we are the same, then it's safe to say that if i love you, there's no way that i think of you as less "useful" because we don't do "that".
| But if it brings so much strain in the relationship, he might appreciate it more if you were honest with him, and you both can work on your issues together. What's a relationship if you can't count on each other's support while growing as a person, right?
| I love sex.
| I am like your bf and my partner is struggling with it. I try to communicate what does/doesn't work for me but she keeps doing what doesn't work. We probably need couple's therapy but I'm thinking breaking up is best
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| I knew what i was getting into when we started dating, my boyfriend has SA related trauma and does not care to touch or be touched in that way at all. I respect his space but its been 2 years in and im starting to have intrusive thoughts about asking to have another boyfriend.That would probably ruin our dynamic and hurt both of us so that's not happening..i feel like maybe it's all mental, like it's only bothering me because i think it should bother me..