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Another unrelatable vent
| I come out fully despite knowing that doing so would lose me some people, the months of panic attacks it would give me and the genuine safety risk for my life it is to be open about that.
I fight every fucking day to not be sent back into a depressive state from all the bullshit, and that's what I get? You say it as a little fun fact for attention every now and then and the rest of the time you pretend it's not real?
Miss with that shit. Show some respect or get out of my life.
| Like, I fully expect random people to act like that. A lot of people so stuck up with binary it's almost funny.
But if you go "Oh, of course I accept you! Of course, that's no problem at all." and you act like that?
Bitch, I'm not some fucking party trick. My existence, that I'm forced to constantly fight for, is not a funny little thing for you to get attention every now and then and fucking ignore otherwise.
I know this is a very niche problem to have, but damn it's annoying.
| Ohh that sucks g/u/rl, maybe it's time to look for better friends that treat as you deserve to be treated.
Quick question: do you use they/them pronouns right? Or are you from a non english speaking country?
| >>817145
It's not just friends. It's sometimes family too. Hard to just, get rid of family, you know?
Non-English speaking, but we have exact equivalents to those pronouns. I use all. So, masculine, feminine and gender neutral.
But, you know. It's very obvious when someone calls me by the one I was assigned at birth as a way to disregard and undermine it, and not as a way to show respect for that.
Especially when they keep referring to me as that gender. Over and over again.
| Hey g/u/rl. First of all it's ok that you vented your frustration and it's ok.
But I encourage you to see it in a different light, people are different and often times we don't share the opinions on things, people who you disagree with you aren't necessarily assholes unless they're bothering you in order to change your mind.
| Also, people are egotistical often times, you and I included and sometimes we don't even realize it, try not to live your own movie, everyone's got issues trying to find who you are. That doesn't mean your issues have any less value but it can help to see the other side of the coin. Dedicate time to yourself and care for yourself, don't focus so much on what other people say or think about you.
| Sry if my advice was shit, I hope you can get better.
| >>817160 >>817161 >>817162
I wouldn't say it was shit, but it kinda ignores the problem entirely.
Like, common decency and respect to someone who gives you those things should be a given. Who I am is not something for others to decide.
Of course I do know that people view things differently, and I understand how those sorts of mindsets work (I know a lot about psychology and talk to tons of people, including those who think like that), but that doesn't really excuse that shit.
| I'm a very confident and secure person when it comes to my identity. I know myself extremely well, and I live my truth and know who I am regardless of what others say, do or think.
But if I ask them to say one or two basic vocab words every now and then because it helps quell the dysphoria (which if you haven't experienced yourself can be intensely painful) and they completely disregard it and use me to get themselves attention instead? That's what my problem is.
| It's not that they might not have come around to fully understand that gender isn't a binary thing or whatever. I mean, for a lot of my life I believed it was because that's what it'd been told. Behaviours and thought patterns can be very hard to get out of when they've been so ingrained in you, and I understand that.
But something that isn't hard is to just show some respect. You don't need to fully understand the science of gender to not use me for personal gain and disregard me.
| Like, let me make an analogy.
Let's say you have a first name, a middle name, and a nickname. When people close to you change between those when referring to you every now and then, that makes you feel comfy. But when someone close to you exclusively refer to you by your first name and refuse to ever call you anything else, it makes you feel uncomfortable, uneasy and anxious.
You tell them this, they say they'll change between them but then intentionally never do.
That's not fun.
| I do appreciate the thought. I understand the advice, and in other situations I'd agree.
And yes, I do understand the whole ego thing. Everyone's technically selfish of you boil things down enough.
But doing that one little thing would not hurt you in the slightest, and honestly should satisfy that selfishness because you'd be making someone close to you feel better without even putting effort in.
Thank you for saying this vents okay btw. Didn't think people would care
| Unfortunately trans m/w is just easier to categorize for general people, even for non progressive, as a result nb shit doesn't get the same cred even though the experience is very similar in terms of how the expectations of others does dmg to your sense of self.
As others said, find people that can affirm this is about as much as you can do.
| >>35a518 I understand your feelings truly OP. It sucks even more that even your family does that too.
I really support your arguments, I mean, it's just common decency to adress a person however they want to be adressed.
I don't get why is it so difficult for people to use 2 different words/pronouns???
| >>817177
Yup. Even some binary trannies disrespect and put down us non-binary trannies. It just, sucks.
Yup. I do. I mean, I have some amazing people in my life who aren't disrespectful and are nice and understanding. But, like, half of them ain't binary themselves, so of course they're respectful.
>>817183
Yup. Not all of them. Most of one side of my family are fully accepting. But the rest are, well, like that.
It really isn't. Like, it's not. At all. They just choose not to.
| If I see a man I use "he".
If I see a woman I use "she".
Why I should respect your opinion if you don't respect mine?
Also, just curiosity, if someone use only a female type of pronouns speaking with you, will you be mad anyway?
| >>817193
It's not based on opinion. It's literal science. Gender is not a visual thing. So do I respect pseudo-science based on bigotry and extremist ideals? No. No, I don't.
If you assume I'm a certain gender and refer to me that way I wouldn't care, because cis people are the majority. But if I asked you to refer to me how I prefer and just choose not to, you're just an asshole.
If I gave a shit about you, then that would be annoying. Didn't you read the thread before replying?
| If you can't comprehend the concept of common decency, don't make that my problem.
Not being an asshole isn't hard. Going out of your way to not treat people with respect because you're on some high horse thinking you're superior, that ain't my issue. That's yours. I ain't your therapist or parent. If you have a complex or have yet to grow up, that's your thing to fix.
| >>63a0dc My thoughts represented in this reply.
I'm sorry you're going through tough shit OP, we can't relate, it's not our fault.
People who don't think alike from you aren't extremists necessarily. I probably will never get the whole non binary thing and the cis terminology.
I'm just not a fan, it labels ppl excessively imo. Agree to disagree with ppl. You'll find someone meaningful to you that agrees with your ideals sooner or later. Good riddance.
| Also, this is not meant to be taken in a bad way, but you need to relax, he debated your take respectfully.
| >>817213
Not having experienced something doesn't mean that you can't be respectful to someone who has.
I know majority of people can't relate to being non-binary, because most people aren't. But if someone close to you asks you the simple request of using one or two words every now and then when talking about them because that little gesture is the difference between pain and being comfortable, why would you refuse to do that?
It's not a difficult thing, and it doesn't hurt you.
| >>817214
I also want to touch on this.
I know it's not mean to be taken badly, but it is not a very nice thing. If you see someone who's struggling and just say "I haven't experienced that struggle, so I'm gonna pretend like it's not really and actively do something that makes it harder for you because that's my opinion", that's not that kind, is it?
Also, no. Because I never put out a take. I just talked about my own existence and someone just started to debate against it.
| My point with this thread isn't "is gender a binary thing or not". Scientifically we've know for an extremely long time that it isn't, so why would I do that?
My point with this thread is that, well, it's not difficult to be nice. It's not difficult to be respectful. It's not difficult to treat another human being as a han being. So why actively choose not to?
People not understanding it isn't my problem, because I knoost don't. But it's easy to not be an asshole, so don't be one.
| Since this is my venting thread I'll just touch on another thing as well.
It's really annoying that people view my existence as political. Like, I'm just a normal human being. It's scientifically proven that people like me exist and are in fact, well, human beings. I haven't talked about anything political in this thread. I usually don't talk about politics with strangers. I just don't.
But if I mention my gender? Suddenly it's political and people start to debate against me.
| It's so weird. So many people don't even view me as human. Not saying that's the case for the people in this thread, but a lot of people don't. They talk about me the same way they talk about some law or policy or object or something.
Like, why?
Then people also want to say "no, you're this". Like, real life isn't a video game. You can't just click on me and change my properties or some. Neither can I. I was born how I was. You not liking it doesn't change that fact.
It's so weird.
| My gender isn't a political stance. Because unlike a political opinion, it's not something I've chosen. Do people seriously think anyone would choose to be like this?
Only reason I'm open about it is because if I kept trying to suppress it and pretend I was something I wasn't I would have killed myself.
Do you think I want to be talked about like a political idea, have my existence debated and occasionally get death threats and shit?
No. Why the fuck would I? It doesn't make sense.
| >>817193
>Why I should respect your opinion if you don't respect mine?
what does respect mean? if it means give serious thought, every trans person you will ever meet has already tried living as their original gender for years, tried ignoring being trans even under the threat of violence and discrimination, and generally given the opinion you present a lot more thought than you even give your own.
| usually what people who frame this issue as an issue of respect really mean, though, is "you should take on this effort and pain because I prefer this status quo". after they've already been doing that for years while the status quo holders point and laugh and be assholes about it
so why should you respect trans peoples' opinions about being trans? because trans people know more about being trans than you, because they're trans.
| You look like a party trick
| Since the thread is still here, I'll drop another thing, slightly related to main topic.
Other people introducing me to someone without my presence, fucking sucks. Because a lot of them will say my AAB gender and refer to me as those pronouns and shit while doing so. Like, I know this is unrelatable, but just try to imagine how annoying that is. Knowing that this person you've never met before already has those views of you ingrained in them by the time you meet. It's so annoying.
| Like, meeting someone brand new and not getting to show them who you are because someone who has a botched idea of what I am because they knew me when I was little has already made them think of me the same way.
That's why I'm usually uncomfortable with new people unless I've found them myself or my best friend or someone else who genuinely understands that shit is the only one they've gone through before me.
| Oh, and another thing is online creation. The few times I put my creative work out there, it's always with the risk that it'll just be gone.
It's not even that long ago that I saw a genderfluid artist have a bunch of their work taken down because of bigots mass reporting it due to, well, him being genderfluid.
Then there's the whole thing with, like, arguments so to speak, being taken down. Like, the who's in the wrong thing.
| I've actually experienced this myself on a lower scale, and it's especially bad on platforms like TikTok (which is one of the best places to show off and get traction to any sort of creative work nowadays).
Basically, if there are two videos with people arguing with the other, or an argument going on in comment sections, or anything like that related to, like, transphobia and stuff, 90% of the time the one calling out transphobia is the one who's video or comment gets taken down.
| I've seen creators make videos or posts responding to someone who's being blatantly transphobic and saying lots of bullshit bigoted shit to them, and then that video or post gets taken down for "bullying" or similar while the bigoted one stays up.
If I comment on something and someone in the comments starts randomly saying transphobic shit to you (yes, that happens, and it's not rare), if I then call them transphobic, my comments will probably be deleted for "violating guidelines".
| So, like, the few times I push myself to put something out there, I have to do it knowing that if it finally reaches a decent sized audience, all or most of it might be taken down because some random cunt felt the need to randomly take out their insecurities on me and call me a trannie or faggot or whatever or report my stuff for some guidelines I very clearly don't violate.
That might sound like a minor thing, but it sucks to get fucked over just for showing off your hobby.
| As a binary person, how should i react if someone says they are non-binary? Is an "okay" okay? Because i dont give a slightest shit
| Oooh not this shit again...
| >>817902
I mean, yeah. It's honestly preferable if people don't give a shit. If they tell you what pronouns they prefer and you refer to them as that, there's not much more to it. From personal experience, a simple "okay" is honestly the best response to get.
>>817903
Cry more.
| >>817962
>waaaaaaah wah i don wike the scawy enbies uwaaah
btfo the board already, I don't understand why you stay here when the other two g/u/rls and all the chatbots have been trans for years
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| I really hate having my identity undermined. Certain people who claim to be accepting of me basically mention my non-binary gender identity as a fun fact and then keep talking about me as the gender I was assigned at birth and use exclusively the same pronouns I was assigned at birth.
Like, you serious? I struggle for years with the intense mental pain I got from not accepting myself and suppressing that shit and pretending to be what people expect me to be.