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im tired of it all

| I constantly have an internal fight with myself where things seem so gloom and i feel like i should kms but then I come back being angry with myself for thinking such a way. Why would i do that to myself I've fought so hard to come this far. Theres no way the story ends here.

im 23 and I still deal with acne and have low self esteem. I have no real future and the girl i asked out a couple days ago might have 0 interest in me. The only reason i still stay here is because I have a-

| passion for video games and inanimate objects that I find valuable on this earth. I exercise every other day and that makes me feel good as well however it can only last so long. I feel like I might have to consider joining the military again because I truly have no future and anything in college isnt something I enjoy. I wish I could make my hobbies a living but thats just so rare.

I sometimes wonder what the afterlife is like. After all no one can truly say. It's kind of amusing

| If we die that cant be the end right? There has to be something more. I can't help but feel like there is. Why else would some people on this earth suffer more than others. Are we being put to the test? Or is this all just some sort of torture? I don't get it.

Eternally im filled with rage and sorrow but on the outside I just go about my day. Am i a sociopath? maybe but in truth I really just want to be happy.

| My goal is to have a wife and kids and a good job, have clear skin and being able to maintain my hobbies. But some days I don't even know what i want and how to get there. It feels so far away and it feels so much easier to just lay down and die .... BUT I CAN't I CAN'T give up on myself. Thats the one thing I'll regret is that I gave up on myself. Through all this pain there has to be success right? After all they go hand in hand. If I die I'll die knowing I did my best.

| If you are tired then go to sleep.

| >>770115

| I feels related to op so very much, my current ultimate goal is to give myself to the universe, i think/hope that life is more than abuse and being abuse. help others to feel better make me feel better for myself.

| And also keeping me from suicide thoughts temporarily.

| >>770173
Yup. That's how I get by as well. I just want to see my loved ones smile and make their lives as good as I can.

| Be your own military and find some good people to hold yourself accountable to being a better person.

If you have thoughts of kms then stumbling through some social awkwardness would be well worth it to find that sort of social group even if you're inept.

Pussy good, but you should build yourself so pussy is optional, not mandatory. Maybe later once you've found some consistency you can go girl crazy but right now you should focus on yourself.

| OP i wish i could hug you.
If you get angry with yourself because of suicide thoughts, it means theres a flame inside you, urging to live life the fullest.
Dont let this flame die, make one step at time. I know you can do It!





Total number of posts: 12, last modified on: Thu Jan 1 00:00:00 1625194961

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