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What is meaning being hikki?
| ...or pointless small talks... It is not them much.. but i feel always uncomfortable.. almost all the time i'm spending by playing games like cs:go, reading discord or other things what are pointless.. i'm avoiding to contacts with others..
I feel honestly really worthless... Idk if can i say anything more.. i feel honestly only curious if it's how it is feels like.. or if is mistake only in me, and being hikikomori isn't so bad.. i really wish return in time to 2017..
| But sadly i'm only stucking here with my mistake.. i feel too weak to commit suicide, i don't have enough confidence to do this.. i feel fear from pain of death, or permanent damage of some function of me.. i'm trying my best to don't cut, but i can't last longer than 3 weeks.. i did started to ignoring person who do i really like, because i have fear that will hate me and abandon me.. all days are same, problems are same.. i feel that i'm failure.. idk how to live... I forget it..
| My life is in the same situation expect I'm not going to university. It's okay not knowing how live but know that you are living. Play games, talking to friends on discord, etc are not pointless. They are the threads by which you are bound in the world. I remember last year I was so close to killing myself but wanting to play FE3H dlc gave me the incentive to keep living until I got to play it.
| I sometimes still think I'm better off dead but games really help since I want to experience the stories in the game more than I want to die. Know that you shouldn't hole yourself up because you are afraid that you might get rejected or someone might abandon you. Whether we like it or not people are not permanent fixtures, they come and go as they please, whether they want to or not (illness, jobs, break up, etc)
| Cherish everything you have now, everything you might have because it'll remind you why it's worth going on. If you feel like you have nothing or you can't enjoy anything, try talking to a doctor about seeing a therapist. Therapy can help a lot during those darker days when you can't see the point in life. It's turned me around many times, I hope it can ease the pain in your heart as well. Take care out there, g/u/rl! I'm rooting for ya!
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| I'm studying university.. but to being honest, i'm staying all time home.. when i need go outside it is because of important things like dentist, eyes doctor etc.. honestly.. i would wish watch anime or playing games what i want but i can't enjoy them recent 4 years.. i feel guilty for something what i couldn't affect.. or maybe i didn't tried enough.. i'm going to sleep with noon and waking up with sunset.. i'm living with family, but all things is about organisations...