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Feeling anxious for no reason
| But the point is, I know everything's fine, but still can't get away from feeling that something's already going (or going to go) absolutely terrible and I don't know why. It's driving me nuts and I feel like I could break down crying any moment. And then I think about how I have no reason to feel this way, and on top of everything else I feel immense guilt for not feeling well when by all account I should. It's driving me nuts, and unfortunately therapy isn't an option in my town.
| So I just come here to vent, I guess. Maybe seeking advice, maybe seeking comfort, maybe just wanting to get all this off my chest because there's enough things I hold bottled up already.
Sorry if this thread brings you down, or annoys you. It wasn't my intention. While it is rather selfish of me to use the board in this way, I feel safer here than anywhere else. Hope you all are doing fine, g/u/rls.
| >Sorry if this thread brings you down, or annoys you
>it is rather selfish of me
>I feel immense guilt for not feeling well
>when by all account I should
I wonder gurl... who is this representative of all of society's moral standards and all its individuals that is living in your brain?
| >>761439 probably the users of the /new/ board lol
In all seriousness >>bf555a loneliness can be a pain to deal with and while I do have friends and people around my, there was a time I didnt, I cant tell you that everythig will be ok but I can tell you that if you try to live your life hapilly you will probably attract people who like you, maybe like a little maybe like a lot but they will probably like you
| >>761439
Uhh, sorry, I'm afraid I don't quite get the question... That's just how I have been brought up, I guess.
>>761481
I do have some friends, but no one who's really close, you know? Like, I can hang out with them, either IRL or online, play some games and joke around, but nothing more than that. Still, that's not the problem here, I think. I try to live as happily as I can, but something just keeps eating away at me in the back of my mind, and I just can't figure it out.
| >>761639
Umm... Thanks? Let's get some dinner together first though, maybe watch a movie, y'know, get to know each other.
| >>761646
Heh, I just wanna mess you up. Like when you jump in a pool and the water goes crazy, it's beautiful.
Do ya like steak
| >>761648
Annnd you've completely lost me on that analogy. Not to be rude or anything, but it is rather weird. As is the statement right before it.
Anyway, steak's fine, I guess. I've only ever had well-done beef steak, so I'm hardly a gourmet of any sort.
| >>761676
Oh no... Don't worry, I'm only half-serious. The analogy is because I really like introverted anxiety balls, shy with low self-esteem... Does this sound predatory? I just think that's kinda cute. Anyways steak and mushroom cream sauce with pressed noodles is good.
| >>761681
Ah, no problem, I just... Literally didn't understand what you meant there at first.
Not gonna lie, that does sound rather delicious. Though I'm a sucker for noodles of any kind.
| >>761711
Right now I'm talking about hand-made pasta that are kind of like fuzzy strings. Best when mixed with any variation on cream sauce, and paired with deep red wine.
Accessorily I was talking about how I'd love to disinhibit you. Break you out of all your shells, and enjoy your messy reaction to emotional freedom. Let you plunge yourself into your own desires.
It's alright to be awkward.
| >>761714
All that is just amazing.
The dinner plan is absolutely lovely. Guess I know what I'll try making next weekend.
As for the rest... Yeah, it sounds like I could be having the time of my life with it. Just lose myself in the moment, and enjoy every second of it. But also it's kind of... Scary, I suppose. I'm so used to staying quite reserved, keeping at least some of my shells around me. Even when with friends, or lovers, which was probably the downfall of my relationships.
| I wonder if someday I could finally embrace my awkwardness and just... Roll with it, instead of beating myself up all the time. Instead of getting anxious over the fact I'm going to screw it all up again - which is not necessarily something that's going to happen every time. And even if it does happen, it's not the end of the world. Weird how I can accept it with my rational mind now, but then negative emotions just take over.
Gah, I'm just rambling at thus point. Pay me no mind.
| >>761714 That's really beautiful. Legitimately brought a tear to my eye.
>>762094 I say go for it. What's the worst that could happen?
| >>762101
The worst, eh. I make a fool out of myself while trying to be more open/vulnerable and then I keep remembering that embarrassing moment every night for ten years, which further discourages me from opening up more than strictly necessary. At least that's how it's been going so far, so now my relationships (friendly, romantic or otherwise) tend to be a lot more surface-level.
| >>762130
Well, you did ask for the worst possible outcome. Doesn't actually happen too often, thankfully.
| >>762131 Yeah... I feel you. I'm struggling with the same thing you are too, so I'm sorry if I don't really have any *good* advice... I think we're in this together
| >>762146 Yeah, it's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this and it's not just all in my head. ^^
| bump
| >>762113
>I make a fool out of myself while trying to be more open/vulnerable
Make a fool out of yourself according to who?
If it's other people that are telling you that then just consider them to be rude idiots. If it's yourself telling you that then you are dreaming up ways to beat yourself down.
It's normal. You're like in a shell. And when you try to come out of it, as a person that's bad with being outside the shell, if something hurts you out there, it's tougher on you.
| And it hurts more. And all you want is just crawl back into the shell because you know you're safe in it because you know it.
Well, at least that happens to me.
You have to treat being social and interacting with the world like a skill that you can learn, not like an inherent ability that you're just born with.
You will also have to stop creating a direct emotional tunnel between other people and you, it just makes it easier to hurt you
| I said I wanted to mess you up by making love to you. Well, indeed. Most of my reasoning bears disinhibition in mind. Like for example when you are drunk, you might act more natural, better, way more at ease.
What I meant was that you may achieve the same results with wild passionate sex, especially with introverts. To break into the barriers that you put up with other people - physically. To break open the barriers of self-restraint by making you drunk on pleasure.
| Uncontrollable moans... letting go of everything... all this suffocating dignity... and then you get some aftercare, straight hugging until you're in a deep sleep.
A gradual opening process. Sounds fun.
| >>762370
> consider them to be rude idiots
Well, you can't just consider everyone who ever said something unpleasant to you an idiot, now can you? That's not gonna fly. At some point you just gotta stop and think that maybe there is at least some truth to it, especially if it keeps happening again and again. Or, well... That's how I justify it, at least. Maybe I am just beating myself down for no reason, but that's what seems normal, I seriously wouldn't know the difference.
| >>762371
> treat being social and interacting with the world like a skill
I've been trying to do that lately, yeah. With some relative success even. But there's still some pressure in the fact that I'm undoubtedly behind most of my peers in this. Still, not the end of the world, of course, I know I just have to keep working at it. It's just... Hard, sometimes. And most of the time I don't even know if I'm doing it right. If there even is a way to do it "right" at all.
| >>960a75
As for the rest of what you have said... You know, about disinhibition and all that... Yeah. When you put it like that, it actually makes a lot of sense. And, what the hell, it actually does sound really fun. Something tells me I'd be pretty into it as well. I, uh... Don't now what that says about me as a person, if anything at all, but it is what it is.
Also sounds like something to get embarrassed about for years, too, but that's just a matter of perspective, really.
| bumpity bump bump
| i really don't want this thread to die
| >>762582
Same here, but... I don't really know how to continue. I mean, it's not like my situation has been fully resolved, but plenty has been said about it already, if not entirely too much. If maybe you want to share something now, feel free.
| >>762134
ye i'm kinda in the same boat as you and op and tbh no idea what to do with it too
too bad there's this many of us online but no one close irl
| bumpp
| Who knows, perhaps there actually is someone from CH here
This thread is permanently archived
| My life's going relatively well right now. Health could be better but is good enough, I have a stable job that pays alright money, my friends and family members are doing fine too. Nothing to worry about. The only thing I could imagine being an issue is that I'm not very sociable, and I don't have really close friends anymore, so I end up keeping quite a lot to myself. Maybe that's causing some stress. Or my generally low self-esteem, though it probably stems from the same place.