danger/u/
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Tonight was hard

| Last year my GF of 5.5 years cheated on me. It destroyed me so completely that I fell into depression. I felt like I lost control of my life and over compensated at work by fighting with management to get better pay and more training (but in a dickish way) so I lost my job shortly after.

During this time, my city goes hard into second wave lockdown. I can't go anywhere to be by myself, and I can't afford to leave...

FFW to about 2 months ago. 1/?


| I finally got offered a job with a union. It's hard work when I have it, but there's about a month of training I have to do before I start. I finally have distractions/something else to think about, and my first win under my belt in nearly a year.

I got deployed to my first job a few weeks ago, working 6 nights a week. But that one night off...

I am working in a city hours from home that is in lockdown number 3. 2/?


| Last night, I fell back into my depression. No one was around to talk to... and I was stuck in a hotel room with only my thoughts.

It was/is shitty for me...

I ended up writing a 3 page word document of just thought vomit hoping that if I got the thoughts down, I could leave them there and sleep, or if I was really lucky, work them out.

It didn't go as planned, so I went for a walk with nothing open to walk to. The call of the void was strong. 3/?


| I wanted to walk into the nearby highway. But I knew my family would miss me.

I don't intend to tell them. at least not yet. I also have a friend that would have picked up the phone if I called them. But I know they have their own issues right now, and I hate being a burden on people.

I would rather destroy myself to help others than to stand up for myself.

4/?


| I used to be stronger. I used to be stable... I want to be cynical and tell you not to let people in. That they will only hurt you.

But if you don't let people in, then you have no one to stay for when you are hurting.

Tell your family you love them. Thank anyone that helps you. Do a kind deed for random people please.

Life is shit some times and you may wanna alt+F4 out of it... but hang in there.

If I can stand in the darkness alone. you can too. 5/5


| sorry for the word vomit g/u/rls. Just trying my best to turn this into something for the better.


| Have sex and have fun.


| >>752785
OP is pretty based


| You'll get through it OP. It certainly sounds to me like you're still strong.


| >>752793 I'm really sorry to hear all of that. I deal with major depression and have most of my life so I get suicidal ideation and the like. But I hope things get better for you, and you dont have to apologize for anything, not to us <3


| OP here. Thanks for the kind words all. I did a lot better last night.


| Glad to hear you slept well last night. You are always welcome to vomit out your thoughts here. A mysterious g/u/rl may even give you a hug...


| We tend to think we always were stronger in the past g/u/rl it only seems that way because whatever we were facing has already gone through, and what we are facing now is sometimes too complex for ourselves to even start planning how to face it, don't get discouraged g/u/rl... Sooner or later we all find that strength we thought lot, I tell it to you because I lost a year of highschool because of a REALLY REALLY BADE depressive episode


| Last Friday I finally finished high school and the last year was full of perfect or near perfect grades from my end while somehow managing to stay sane, improve on my mental health, play games and draw...
There were times I was about to give up and some really big emotional crisis, but I always found a spark of hope, rage, resilience or whatever to pull through, you will too g/u/rl, you're welcome to tell us your problems everytime you may need it.


| Because alone we may feel weak and about about to break by just a gust of wind, but together...
Together all g/u/rls are strong, keep fighting the good fight, and give your family and that friend a call, ask them if they been sleeping and eating nice, tell them you love them.

Hope you doing strength and success soon, you deserve it.


| You can make it through this.
Your life is changing slowly for the better, and a bright new dawn awaits.

Total number of posts: 16, last modified on: Sun Jan 1 00:00:00 1618905032

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