danger/u/
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venting anomymously os the only way to effectively vent

| your anger and sadness can only really understood in their context by you. when you vent it into anonymous, people can only understand it from their perspective, but without knowing who you are, they can't allow any foreknowledge about you affect their judgement.

meanwhile, venting to friends is not as effective as people like to believe. no one who claims they can be a wall and be vented to about anything knows what the hell they're talking about. no matter if its good or bad, if they are close to you or hate you or have similar issues, they'll latch on and make the problems you're facing worse.

this is also why good therapists appear to be stoic or apathetic. its not that they don't care. they just don't approach it in a way that could make matters worse. Ideally, anyway.

I think that this is something lost in journal and diary writing. Those places are not so different from venting anonymously, I think. The only real difference is, online, the diary talks back.


| sus


| this is reminding me that i should find a therapist or something. i am starting to unironically want to kill myself and i feel so fucking trapped. i fucking swear i would have been treated differently if i was a woman. i just want my fucking childhood back and im never gonna fucking get it and it fucjing hurts so bad. the way everything happened was so fucking unfair and no one will fucking try to right it and i fucking hate it. i cant fucking do anything without thinking about it.


| >>745829 couldn't of said it better myself


| Homie, the fact that you have bad friends who can't handle stuff like that doesn't mean that everyone has bad friends. I've vented here when I was suicidal, and it didn't do much. I vented to my best friend, and he ended up saving my life. I did not tell my therapist, because then I would have been institutionalised without it being on my own terms.
Also for just general venting, my friends handle it very well and help a lot more.

So, basically, OP, get better people in your life.


| >>745866

"get better people in your life."

What a joke. "Better people" have better things to do than waste their time with people who can't help themselves. You best be happy that friend of yours didn't do what anyone else would have and called the cops. Because if you *did* kill yourself, not only will they have to live with the guilt of being the last person you told, they'll have to suffer all the assholes you would have left behind as they blame them for your own death.


| Think about that and think who about who *really* got spared the bullshit end of the deal. They didn't "save" you. *You* saved yourself, asshole. Turns out you weren't as selfish as you thought you were.


| >>745937 >>745938
I did the same thing for him. Shit's not one sided homie, and good people genuinely care.

>"Better people" have better things to do than waste their time with people who can't help themselves.

That just goes to show that you don't know any good people. What kind of good person would not look out for their friends and try to help others? There's a reason why he did it himself despite the risk, you know? Because he knows how to handle it and wanted the best for me.


| >>d4b3dc
Good for you, asshole. Why don't you go force some more suicide hot-line responsibilities onto your friends like the "good person" you are.

Personally I don't vent to my friends because I don't want to dump a bunch of negativity over them. When we hang out we actively work up a good setting together because that's how you build good times. We're here to have fun and do awesome. Not to complain about our lives.


| >>745961 you sound like the asshole. The fact is people support people they care about, and sometimes that means talking about 'negativity'. It's very possible to do so while still respecting peoples' limuts, and obsessively avoiding it means that nobody in that interaction can really be genuine, or count on each other


| I think there's merit in having a good balance in venting to friends though. Because if you only share good times with friends especially when you/your friend is going through a particularly rough patch then either you or the other person ends up feeling isolated. Obviously venting negative emotions 100% of the time is draining but faking positivity all the time isn't ideal either. Some people you can bare those thoughts together and some you can't.


| >>745961
You're repressed and keep things to yourself because you're scared of burdening others. You're scared that you would be a nuisance, you're scared that it would hurt them and put pressure on them, and it seems you might also be scared that they wouldn't want to help you, that they'd dislike you for it, and that you'd end up alone.

You isolate and repress out of self-hatred and fear that you'd be a bother. That's not a mindset to promote in a thread about getting help.


| >>745961
You would be there for your friend if they needed to vent to you, wouldn't you? Or would you call them an asshole, say they ruined your "fun and awesome", that they should keep that shit to themself and then leave them?


| Venting anonymously is better as every other people on web have different views on same issue. Friends usually have same or very similar.


| >>745969

OP here. You weren't even responding to me but what you wrote here matched my state of mind and attitudes surprisingly well.

Props to that, to be honest.


| >>746002
I'm not surprised. It's a very common mindset to have, but it's also a very toxic one. I used to struggle with it a lot myself, and it's one of the first things you should check when trying to figure out about someone's mental state, at least in my opinion.

That's why I keep talking about, you know, better friends. Because friends who would feel that kind of animosity towards you if you vented to them, they wouldn't be good friends. But you haven't really tried, have you?


| OP mod? Over 500 characters on first post.
Or is there a way to get past 500 characters. Would be good for future rants I make here.

But seriously, interesting topic. Made a thread about something similar if not exact not too long ago.
I do think what >>d4b3dc says to be true, or at least I'd like it to be. However, how would you know who is that good friend? Like what if you spill your soul out and it doesn't go well, you'd be more heartbroken than you were before you tried.


| At the same time there are merits to what OP says. Maybe it depends on how deep and serious the topic is, but ranting about some stuff here on /u/ has made me feel better and something has come from it.

However, whenever I vent about darker and heavier things like ya know, suicide, nothing comes from that


| >>746075
Heavier topics like that, that's not something you'll get anywhere with when it comes to anonymous people. You don't know them, they don't know you. You need to have a real connection with someone for them to help you out with stuff like that.
I've vented on /u/ as well, but it's two completely different things.

>>746074
If you ask to talk to one of your friends about some shit and you spill your soul to them and they don't care about it or your.
Are they really a friend?


| It's hard to accept, but if you want to have real and proper relationships with people you know you can trust instead of fake, surface level relationships, then that kind of stuff is necessary.

Ibviously don't immediately overwhelm them. People handle stuff like that differently, and suddenly finding out your friend is suffering isn't fun. But, they often have similar struggles themselves, and since they're real friends they'll be glad you told them and help you the best they can.


| You don't want to be isolated, do you? You know that feeling when you're spending time with friends, but you still feel alone, right?
Being open with your friends is the only way to get rid of that feeling, and knowing that the people around you can be trusted, truly love you and truly want the best for you, that's such a good feeling, and it helps a lot when dealing with all the shit you're going through.


| >>745970
> they needed to vent to you, wouldn't you? Or would you call them an asshole, say they ruined your "fun and awesome"

If this is your take to what I said earlier then my explanation would go over your head.

I still believe that venting anonymously is way better than venting to a friend. What you did wasn't venting. What you did was screaming for help.


| >>745970
Like the other anon said, if your friend couldn't help, or didn't understand the gravity of your words quick enough, and you ended up killing yourself, your friend would end up very miserable and mentally unwell because of your actions.

Your misery may have ended FOR YOU but you merely transfered it to the people around you, and made it much more worse for this friend.

That's why I think you should get professional help if you're battling with suicidal thoughts.


| >>746117
I do have proffesional help. But if you've ever been in the healthcare system for mental health related stuff, well, you probably know that it doesn't just, fix you. You know?

Would it have been better if I said nothing? If I just did it?
I mean, I felt like none of the people I loved loved me back. Talking to a healthcare worker wouldn't have changed that. I tried that.

And, as I explained, I've done the same thing for him. Twice. It's not one sided.

Total number of posts: 24, last modified on: Fri Jan 1 00:00:00 1615981779

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