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Feeling kinda pathetic
| He said that he prefers being alone when that he's in that state, but, idk. I can't help but feel bad about it. I had some, like, comforting stuff I was holding back on saying because I didn't want to disturb him in case he was about to fall asleep but it seems like me not doing that and letting him overthink was, like, the bad. Idk.
I just in general feel like I don't do nearly enough for him and that I'm enough hell and not a good enough friend and stuff like that.
| I have, saved his life. On multiple occasions. Others have tried, but, I've been the only person who has been able to fully talk him out of suicide and stuff. I know that, but I still can't help but feel like I'm not enough.
He has a lot of mental illnesses and stuff, so he needs more support and stuff than most other people, and I try my best to give him that but it never feels like enough.
When I tell him that he always gets mad because of how wrong he thinks I am, but, idk.
| He values me even higher than he does his partner who he loves dearly, so I guess that should tell me enough, but, it doesn't always.
When little things like this happen it just always hits the self-doubting part of me really hard. I know it might be dumb to feel like I'm not enough to a person who literally only is alive because of me, who spends hours and hours every day with me and constantly talks about our plans together and how much he loves and appreciates me.
| I guess I'm just overthinking as well, huh? At least I hope so. It really doesn't feel like I am, but, the logical part of me says that I am.
Sorry for such a long rant. I won't blame you if you ignore this and/or don't read it all, I just needed to get it out. Replies are always appreciated though.
| I really know how you feel. I'm experiencing similar things with my best friend, although you sound better than me at it lol, and it can be hard to not be able to help people. It's an attachment and self-value injury, especially to someone who both isn't very secure myself and really values serving others in general. But it sounds to me like you're doing great and as much as anyone can expect
| That's where I'm coming from in saying these things, which are sort of platitudes that are definitely easier said than done for me: there's no way any one person can fulfill all of someone's needs, and even if they did it'd be a pretty dangerous relationship. If you both get a lot of value out of your friendship and can help as much as you have you're doing great.
| If it's not overstepping, do you have many other people in your life? Because if so much is tied up in one relationship, that means little hurts and awkward moments like this affect you much more. Not saying you should spend less time with him necessarily, or that I'm doing better right now, but it's something to be mindful of if all your sense of value to others is from one person
| >>718539
We do get a lot of value out of our friendship. More than any other relationships we have.
>>718540
I do, in a way. I have a lot of friends in my hometown and a few online as well. I've been struggling really heavily with my mental health lately though so I don't talk to most of them daily. So right now I spend way more time with him than I do with others, but I still have contact with others. I feel like that makes sense though, right?
| >>718560 Yeah, it makes sense. It sounds to me like a relatable feeling but not like you're doing anything wrong
| >>718678
Maybe yeah.
Now something happened again though. His cousin got diagnosed with cancer. Like, just now got diagnosed with cancer. He called me and told me about it and I didn't know how to comfort him and he kinda just told me and left a few seconds later. I'm such a bad friend.
| >>718691 Oh, that sucks. I still don't think it's right to think of yourself as a bad friend though given everything else, just as a friend with weak areas. It was a sudden thing and he didn't (understandably, but also unfortunate, that's just the way things go sometimes) give you enough time for you to get oriented
| >>718894
Well, yeah, I know. You're right. Can't blame him for that though. He had to leave call very fast, but he also called him up and played games with me and his brother a couple hours later. He's an absolute soldier.
| tell him what you told us
| >>718909
I do tell him about these feelings very regularly and it does help a lot. We have one day a week where we have, like, serious conversations about stuff like this.
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| Sometimes me and my best friend are on call when we go to bed and fall asleep together because, well, it's just comforting.
Today I stayed up especially late and stuff so we could do it because he wasn't doing well and I wanted to help and be there for him.
After we went to bed and had little wholesome moment we were there just quiet on call for a while but suddenly he left and when I messaged him he said he had been overthinking and got freaked out and stuff.