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Tired...
| I still read though, but only some kind of junk
Manga/webnovels
But i struggle to find anything worthy
| If you ask yourself why would you need this Information. I will answer that I just reflect on my thoughts by expressing them here. You don't need to answer me.
I just keep in contact with my inner self this way. Because I don't really have an inner dialog as many people apparantly do. I don't talk to my self.
| At some point my life went the wrong way. I despise myself so much. I hate myself for my ignorance and occasional narcissim.
Why did I fucking want to do anything perfectly. I should have been at least average.
Now I am just a piece of stinking shit.
I despise my thought process but can't do anything about it.
I even have moments of derealisation.
When I read something or think about something I forget who I am only to remember what a piece of shit I am.
| It's not called being tired. It's called being depressed. Do you have a therapist? Or access to one? I assume you don't have one considering how much you talk down on yourself, but if you have the resources to access one, just do it.
You seen to have a lot of self-hatred. A therapist could help both deal better with those feelings and make you a better person. You are very obviously miserable in your current state, so, give it a shot. Try to become someone who's worth the love.
| >>712629 I don't have an access.
The only treatment I can actually get is meds which I don't believe in
| >>712652
I mean, meds can certainly get you feeling better, but it ain't gonna fix you unless the problem is your chemical balance, which it doesn't seem to be.
Online therapy is a thing though, and I imagine that there's even more easily available right now than it used to be.
Also, if you can't afford that, then just finding people online to vent to can help more than you might think. If you find the right people it'll be like what you're doing here, but actually helpful.
| >>712708
I should maybe formulate it differently. Because, just saying stuff that's on your mind is, as you say, only short term. But what I mean is someone who helps you work on it. Like, someone who not just listens to you but helps you get to the root of why you feel like that and helps you change that shit.
That's why I said that it's better than doing this, because venting your feelings out loud won't change them. Having a proper constructive conversation with someone can.
| >>712711 I know why I know how to get better I just don't see the point.
Like why struggle if there is no meaning. It just seems to me as a lot of work for something that is so far away that I can't even fathom.
I know exactly what a therapist would say.
To meet my Problems face to face and overcome them.
But i need a good enough reason. I thought it was love, but that's proved to be unreliable.
| I said I hated my thought process and the large part of this is that I can't become a better person for my family.
You see, they aren't really successful, they don't even have a degree, nobody in family has it. But they expect a lot from me. I always find excuses to slack off and sometimes I find myself thinking something like "they can't expect from me something they didn't achieve".
If I had a son I wouldn't.
| I had a long distance relationship that lifted my depression for two months. I've never been so motivated in my life to become a better person. But all that vanished in an instant and all that's left from me are broken pieces.
I can't even begin to like a person even after half a year.
I just can't do labouros stuff for myself.
I don't like myself. If somebody really appreciated me I would do anything for that person without any hesitations.
That's just the way it is...
| I think, if I had a better health, I would really like to be a fireman or something.
It's just so meaningful to be able to help other people.
| >>9f12e9
You talk a lot, and you talk as if you actually know shit. You don't. But you have the potential for it.
The first of this series of replies, where you say you know what a therapist would say, well, it makes it painfully clear that you've never spoken with a therapist, or at least not more than one session. "Meet your problems face to face" is a Facebook quote, not professional help. You severely underestimate professionals.
As I said though you have a lot of potential.
| I understand the family thing. High expectations are horrifically stressing. I've been there, and I still kinda am.
I love the thing about doing it for someone else though. That's the only good and promising thing you've said so far, but it's one of the best things you ever could say. Finding someone you're more than willing to improve for feels amazing.
That doesn't mean you should give up on working on yourself just for yourself though. If you do you'll never find someone.
| >>712831
You have a good heart homie. You talk a lot of shit about yourself and blame yourself for your thought process (which is retarded because mental issues isn't a choice) but from what I can tell you're just a genuinely good person who's been hurt and is having a hard time managing their stress and mental issues.
You've felt happiness and reasons to live and improve, haven't you? Even though you lost that, living and improving means that you'll eventually find it again.
| So stop talking as if you actually know shit and as if your thoughts are not only true but also your fault, because that ain't how it works. You have hopes and goals. So don't let go of it
| >>712846
Shout-out to the homie g/u/rl who more or less takes the time and effort to participate in any vent thread.
You have a good heart too, homie.
| >>712851
I appreciate it, but, idk. I just know what it's like to be in those situations and struggle with those thoughts and feelings. It's difficult to reach out to people, so when someone is strong enough to do it, they deserve to get something for it. It hurts so badly to get nothing.
| apg.de/my
| >>712843 I said it this way because of a 500 characters limit. I've been to two different psychologists and they were really weird. They obviously didn't care.
First one asked me on the first section if I trust her. I said "no, I see you for the first time" and she sent me off lol.
Second one was asking me different questions, interrupting me all the time. Then he said that I should work out or take antidepressants.
| I have read about those pills on the Internet and it was said that time needed to see the effect is at least 5 months, even then you can possibly be unaffected by them and switch to another ones just to wait another 5 months. And all the while they have lots of negative effects which will make you almost like a living vegetable. I also don't have money for them, as they are pretty expensive for me.
| So i figured I will just ignore that. After that I got into long distance relationship and two months later I broke.
| Working out wasnt an option back then because of the uni
| Maybe I should start working out again.
I've been ripped until I went to uni. I had no food there and ate once a day, so i löst about 15 kg of muscles.
| >>712859 No thanks, I do not want to download this offline forum labeled Lolita Girls Fucked with links to 10yo Oral Anal
| >>712887
"Psychologist". That's not the same as a therapist. What you're describing just sounds like a shitty school counselor. So, again, you're severely underestimating how much a mental health professional, and specifically a therapist, can do for you.
>>712899
Working out is a good idea, but while it's good distraction and can help clear your mind a bit, it's not something that fixes you mentally. That's something you need help and a lot of insight to do.
| just keep moving
| Toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
| >>712947
No, what I described is the best I can get for free, man. And I don't have the money, and can't get any.
| >>713083
Yeah, I do understand that you don't have the resources for it. But I still think it's bad to underestimate professional help, and I want you to remember this for if you ever get a chance and/or resources to talk to someone like that. I'm not blaming you for thinking like you do and I'm not gonna pretend like everyone has access to it, because most people sadly don't.
But for now, do as you said. Work out. And please give opening up to your friends a shot. It'll pay off.
| You fine dude? Hope ya feel better soon. If you're about to harm yourself try thinking of how your parents will be sad if you die. It makes it harder to commit to suicide sometimes.
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| No interest
No social life
No money
Play minesweeper 1/5 of the day
Don't like almost any food and the only food I do like is unhealthy and my stomach aches like hell the whole week.
Anxiety makes me cry at least once a month
Last time half-baked a suicide attempt (didn't even harm myself though, my mom called me and we talked about this)
I don't even play games that much, because i don't give a shit.
Previously liked reading, it's been more than a year since I finished a book.