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What does it mean to truly forgive someone?
| Forgiveness is not and should never be lip service. Dumbass christians and the like bandy that about but forgiveness is a jewel reserved for people who have convinced you with their redemption, people you know in your heart have made the effort to better themselves.
| Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you forget what they did to you. It just means letting go of the emotions surrounding what happened and not letting the past event ride over you like a dark cloud, or a chain around your neck. It's not something everyone can do- its more like an ideal.
In your situation, you probably would have truly forgiven your friend when you stop feeling bitter about what happened. But its ok if you haven't yet. That's just life sometimes.
| It may or may not include "closure" as well. Closure can be similar in concept, really.
| >>694665
When we talked I was feeling way better so I thought everything was laid to rest when I said I've forgiven him. But recently the memories started coming back and pondering about them sort of revived the bitter feeling. I don't feel /intensely/ bitter, but I do feel annoyed at him (and myself) when I think about the past.
| >>694655 this is wrong. you can't reserve forgiveness based on your judgement of others. if you don't forgive them, you'll resent them forever. they say resentment is like eating poison and hoping the other person gets sick
forgive everyone indiscriminately, for your own sanity. whether or not you let them back into your life is a separate matter based on if they seem like they'd change. and never forget what theyve done. but always forgive, or youll be hurt by your own bitterness
| >>694676
Sounds to me like you've reached *some* kind of closure with them, then. But remembering/dwelling on bad memories is always going to suck, tbh.
| >>694702
"This is wrong" no, you just disagree with it. And not forgiving simeone doesnt mean you sit and think about them all the time, it means you move on but are cognizabt that this is the kind of person they are...unless and until they change and prove otherwise.
That's that christian ass "forgive everyone" dogshit. No. It only assuages the offending oarty's conscience. "I was forgiven, so I didnt even do anything that bad lol". Forgiveness is reserved for the truly sorry.
| >>694702
"I'm sorry" comes BEFORE "I forgive you", and if that sorry is false or otherwise invalid, forgiveness is in no way obliged. People are allowed to hold others to account.
| >>694808 +1, not forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to dwell on it. I haven't forgiven my middle school bully but that doesn't mean I think about him more than once or twice a year
| OP here.
He did say that he's sorry, in fact he's apologized to me a lot of times. But what he did to me dealt so much pain to the point where it's difficult for me to tell whether or not have I forgiven him fully. Yes, I did get mad at him that day when he hurt me, and as time passed by it got less, but recently I've been thinking about it and... I feel mad again.
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| A friend did something that hurt me so much, I felt bad about it for days. Weeks later we talked and (perhaps) fixed things through and so I told him that I've forgiven him. But I still think about what he did to me and feel bad about it, and there's still this bitter feeling in my heart.
We stopped talking now. I doubt he still considers me as his friend.
Now read the title of this thread again.