I've burned out while supporting my depressive girlfriend
| Also I have no close friends besides her so I guess I had to speak it out here
| This is my first serious relationship, we've been together for two and a half years. Also my first serious interacion with another human being (as I said I have no one I could call a friend). Also my first close interaction with someone who's got a shitload of complexes and insecurities. I had some before myself, so I could relate, but I didn't really notice how I overcame them, and boy her shit is severe.
| I think I matured a lot because of this relationship. I think I am thankful for that. We had some great time together, but also a lot of difficulties due to her situation. That is probably the reason why I matured actually. I think I love her, although I can't really tell, as I've never experienced it before. I can't stop thinking that if I knew what kind of shit I'm getting myself into when I met her, I would've stayed away. I was just a horny boy desperate for affection back then
| I thought of dumping her several times, but I am afraid that she might kill herself then. And even if she won't, I am afraid that I won't find anyone else if I do that. And I don't know if I want to dump her at all, if not for all that psychological stuff, she is great. I was always hoping for a bright future where she overcomes that shit with the help of specialists and my support.
| I dunno, I just needed to talk to someone, and this place is the best option I've got. I will probably write something else as more thoughts will come to mind. The tentions has been building up for quite some time I guess, I always just thought that I can keep it inside and supress it
| Hey gurl, i'm sorry you gotta keep and bottle this up for so long. Do you wanna talk more abt it? I gotchu fam.
| Let it out gurl
| I never thought I'd use danger/u/ for anything other than shit posting
| Damn, that's definitely a rough situation... it's good that you're doing what you can for her and you but it's still hard. That kind of building stress/resentment is a real killer for relationships, i hope you're able to figure out how to make things work better / the situation changes
Would our unrequested advice be helpful? Or better just to vent off some of the tension?
| >>655893 I think I'll use this thread as a diary of sorts, maybe it'll help me self-reflect a bit. I am not really expecting any help, because reallisticly, seeking psychological help from random people on the internet is not the best idea. But maybe some of the advice will be useful, who knows.
Also I'm not as afraid for the relationship as I'm afraid for her life. She hasn't done any actual attemtps, but self-harm is there, and the mere thought itself is scary enough
| >>655891 same gurl, but honestly i also vent out my problems here sometimes. I have friends but sometimes you just gotta let it out at ppl who won't judge u yknow.
What's your plan now?
| Oh and I guess it is important to mention what worsened the situation so much. We are bachelor students, third year, she went for an exchange program with a foreign university this year. She finished previous semester almost perfectly in terms of grades, so I thought everything will be alright. However, all of her courses appeared to be master level, some of which she never studied. So with
the help of psychological issues semeseter went really bad. She will fail most of her exams
| I would try calling a suicide line for the advice.
Try getting in contact with her parents.
As for yourself, stay calm. If you can't keep calm, neither will she.
I would take some time to plan some things to do together, like a game. That should give her a short time objective, distract her a bit, or at the very least, give you a motive to stay there and keep an eye on her.
| >>655902 since it was an exchange program, things might be worse if she just failed exams at home. She might get expelled one the spot. And here is another important part - that is her thirs time trying for higher education (in our country it is free if you pass entrance exams). I met her at the beginning of that third attempt. She's got that idea that if she fails a thrid time, then it is a game over as she's worthless and got no reason to continue
| >>655903 well it's not suicide imminent, I wouldn't go whining on an internet forum if that was the case
| Oh, I told her once about danger/u/, I don't think she ever uses it, but just in case:
If you are reading this, don't make any rash decisions, call me so we can talk
| Listening to some music helped. Problems didn't go anywhere obviously, but I don't fell as shitty anymore.
| I'll get some sleep and hopefully wake up feeling even better
| I want to put my benis in her bagina. send her over to me and I will fix her depression.
| This is a pretty rough spot. I've been there, depressed and failing college for a third time. I managed to get better, I stopped attempting college and just went for a two year programming course. Now I have a good job and I am in a pretty good spot. Higher formation is super overrated, sure if you get it it's good to get jobs but it's not always necessary, nor does make you a better person. She may need to accept that she has to walk a different path before getting better.
| It's astounding how similar this is to situations I've been in.
Fellow long term relationship person here, 5 years with depressed gf have definitely had their ups and downs.
The best advice I can give you right now is to message her being totally candid like you have here, explain that sometimes you struggle to keep up the mature and caring side and maybe it can grate at you, but that you still care immensely and you don't want her to think otherwise.
| Everyone has moments of being pushed too far, and this particular one seems to be frustration originating from your care for her. Just be honest and leave a message explaining it all. She might not reply straight away, but at least you'll have put it out there and made the effort to explain.
| >>656057 yeah, my thoughts exactly. This whole "you have to go to uni to be successful" agenda just forces people to make mistakes.
| No matter what I say she just keeps arguing how she is trash and doesn't deserve to live, and how everyone else is better than her. It is like my words just don't reach her at all. I think that is why I feel so shitty - because I feel utterly powerless and frustrated.
| >>5c38c8 Just straight up say that whether she's trash or not you care about her and value her, and she can't change that.
| Hey.. I just read your post and honestly I have a question for you. Do you love her? Do you even understand the meaning of love? Okaii look i understand that this is all too much for you but im 100 percent sure you know exactly what she is going through. Do you really think she wants to die? And for you to burst that out in her face man i can feel her pain. I get that youve had enough but you honestly delt with it the wrong way and you know that. /Part 1
| Im sorry but i aint sugar coating anything.. and honestly the fact that you said that if you knew what you was gettig yourself into you wouldnt set foot near her. Wow you really DONT love her why the hell are you even with her??? Im sure shes been through something really arf and tough and the fact she told you she really trusts you and yet what did you do blast it in her face.. you know that just pushes the person more how stupid are you? The hell love? Yeah right /part 2
| You dont love her because IF YOU DID YOUD BE THERE FOR HER THROUGH THICK AND THN ESPECIALLY WHEN SHES GOING THROUGH SOMETHING REALLY HARD BECAUSE THATS WHEN SHE BLOODY NEEDS YOU THE MOST! LOVE ISNT ALL HAPPY GO LUCKY THAT ISNT LOVE!! LOVE IS BEING THERE NOT JUST ON SUNNY DAYS TS BEING THER THE MOST ON THEIR RAINY AND CLOUDY DAYS GIVING THEM THAT SHOULDER TO LEAN ON! if YOU CANT DO THAT DONT BURST IT HER FACE LIKE ITS HER FAULT /part 3
| beCAUSE IT ISNT ITS NOT LIKE SHE WANTS TO BE THIS WAY! DO YOU THINK ANYONE WANTS TO BE LIKE THAT??!!! HAVE YOU SAT DOWN AND ASKED HER WHATS GOING ON? ha therapist hahah makes me laugh you have no idea, you really think that helps.. i dont know about anyone else but from my experience 4 words
They
Dont
Give
Crap
They make you feel like its you
And even if they help they just agree with everything you say.. not exactly helping you with anything. /Part 4
| Therapist, doctors nowadays dont care.. the real doctors you can rely on is your close friend someone who is always there and who you can trust! If i didnt have my twin a girl whos my bestestfriend i wouldnt be here today.. i honestly dont think you love her so let me tell you this. Do you love her? Haha doubt it you even said about being a horny boy so cros that out.. you my sweet child had only attraction which many people confused love with. /Part 5
| Maybe you grew to love her along the way but love? No no because if you did youd stay with her and even if you knew before you met her what you was going to get yourself into youd chooose her over and over again because you love her, you cant see a life without them, it doesnt matter what theyre going through youd want to be with them. /Part 6
| You can save her.. only if you actually have the will to But most of all if SHE wants to be saved? I dont know if its too late or what exactly is going through her head but if she is literally on the edge itll be harder because help can be efective only if the other accepts it.. i wonder how far down she is in the black tunnel that i was once in.. you can still save her but are you willing to? /Part 6
| >>71a33f Shut the hell up with your shit my dude. Don't act like some all knowing jackass when you're clearly looking at everything in binary here.
You can't say whether or not this guy feels love, and I have no idea where you pulled this "horny" angle from.
| Love is messy and confusing and sometimes in love you don't always feel perfect or see eye to eye, because that's not what love is. Love isn't perfection, it's caring and security, and I'm sorry but you don't spend this long caring about the repercussions of your actions of you don't care about someone.
| I aint a therapist but i have studied psychology and did 7cups ive helped many people.. i can help you thats if you want but id need more info x honestly i think shes going through something really hard and you know it..
| >>71a33f chill. It is literally impossible for any amount of love to allow a person to only sacrifice without even talking to anyone about it. Which is what op is doing now! Obviously they let things get too tense in the past and made a mistake, which is why they're thinking about what to do now. Acting like there's one "real" love which lets you do anything and if you don't have it you don't have shit, is incredibly destructive to anyone who's trying to cope with a tough situation
| >>71a33f I'll admit you're right that *the majority* of therapists are just slaves to systematic approaches and too overwhelmed and busy to care, but that doesn't mean placing all the blame and responsibility on OP
| You literally said it yourswlf mate
| >>71a33f Oh there it is, look everyone it's the "I'm good at this, I can help you" card.
Who the fuck would want to be helped by someone so full of themselves and their own opinions, unwilling to even consider that OP can feel both love and frustration.
| I aint saying i know everything because obviously i dont but ive been through stuff which ill say on here as this is annoymous
| I aint full of myself
| But A PERSON LIFE IS IMPORTANT
| to me
| and you saying that bursting in her face of how she wants to kill herself snt he right way
| Gosh i HatE IT WHEN PEOPLE MAKES THE PWRSON FEEL LIKE ITS THEIR FAULT
| Its not easy to just forget something
| >>71a33f You literally entered this conversation by stating your take on it all as if it were a fact. You straight up caps lock shouted that OP doesn't love this girl, and now you're being like "I've helped many people, look how good I am"
| And just move in like nothing happened
| You talk about perfect but thats exactly what you want
| You SONT LOVE HER
| You dont
| Read what you said
| You thought of dumping hwr?
| Mate please go ask someone in love if they thinl of dumping eachother
| >>71a33f He shouldn't have done it, he knows it, she knows it. He's literally made this whole thread to vent out his own remorse because he knows he's made her feel bad.
Nobody is saying it was the right thing to do, but what I'm saying is that you're a jackass for acting like he did it with malicious intent and that this one act of pent up emotional frustration should define him and his relationship.
| And you said you dont dump because youre scared shes going to kill herself and even if she doesnt youre scared you wouldnt find anyone else
| Does that sound like love to you?
| Exactly he pushed her more
| I wouldnt be surprised if she kill herslef now
| Youre not the person haha of course youre not because im sure thed understand what im saying
| Unlike you
| Sorry i aint sugar coating anything
| And i think he knows that he doesnt love her
| >>71a33f I'm not here to say whether it's love or not. OP is clearly confused and overwhelmed, and I don't think any of us should be acting like we know the situation any better than him.
I'm not saying he definitely loves her, I'm just saying that you come across like an ass for ranting that he doesn't.
Not to mention squaring all the blame on him and making him feel like shit when that's exactly the thing you're claiming to be so horrible to do.
| Love or no, he cares about this girl.
| He knows it.. but he may like her
| I understand what you're saying >>71a33f.
I just think that you don't understand how much of a prick it makes you look.
| No he what he wants is to be comforted saying that what he did wasnt bad
| I aint trying to sound like a prick
| Thi kind of topic is too much for me.. becuade i hate people likw this i dont think you understand why i care about peoples so much ive been abused at the age of 6 sexually
| Then at age of 7 my sistar forced my to watch porm alomh with my best mate
| 8 my bestfriend abused me
| >>71a33f I don't think that's what he wants at all. He flat out said he's mostly just letting this out because he has nobody else to talk to.
Like I said, his actions weren't right, but I don't think you should be so in his face about it. Guy fucked up, but that doesn't mean he's some heartless bastard trying to ruin a girl's life and blame her for all of her issues.
| 9 till 13 my cousin abused me
| 13 my dad strangled me
| My mum used me fr her partners
| Id have to dance sexually for them
| >>71a33f Good for you, you've got baggage, plenty of people do. Thing is that having emotional scarring doesn't automatically make your opinion more valid or right.
You can care about people, but don't care about them in a way that's literally just you shouting your opinion like it's fact and then tooting your own horn about what a spectacular Samaritan you are.
| 18 my ex abused me by abuse i men sexually for each of them
| no what im trying to say is ive been through crap but my friend stuck by me and she helped me
| Shes never blast in my face
| When id cry saying i want to die
| And when id cut myself
| Or attempt to jump
| She never said that
| She was always there for me she helped me
| >>71a33f Just because she didn't do this one specific thing from a completely different situation doesn't mean that anyone who does do it is wrong, nor does any of your fucked up past make you an expert on this, so stop acting like one.
Just cut the guy some slack and understand his side of a crappy situation.
| No i can say what i like
| Its caled free will and all that i said s the truth
| It wasnt to you its for him which hell agree
| It is a fact
| Read what he wrote
| You can see very clearly
| >>71a33f How do you know it's the truth?!? Because you read some shit online on a forum and spent a few minutes thinking about it?
You don't know the intricacies of this situation, and acting like you're some kind of expert because you've apparently had a bad life just.. isn't reality.
Your take on this isn't automatically right just because you think it.
| And aswell as yours
| Holy shit what did this thread turn into
| I wrote what back the truth maybe not your truth and honeslty i have no idea why yoire getting into it when its to him
| Im sayimg what i felt
| Just like wveryone else on here
| But i sure aint sugar coatinh anytjing
| >>71a33f Y'know I really hope these "many people" you've "helped" are doing okay, because honestly if I'd been "helped" by you I'd be much more likely to kill myself than if I were a girl who's boyfriend had a small explode rant at her.
| Im sorry 5c38c8 but what i say is how i feel maybe no one agreed witj me bit to me you dont love her
| I have helped them thank you
| >>71a33f Listen pal, I am not going to argue with you, maybe you're right, maybe you're not. To me it seems you are just very good at assuming things and projecting your own experiences on others.
But you're acting like a total clown here, maybe even an entire circus, it's hilarious
| You could go see on 7cups
| You think youre so funny
| I hope you dont lose someone you love
| >>71a33f I won't, because unlike you, if somebody I loved was in a dark place I'd listen to them and consider their actual feelings rather than blast them with my own HOT TAKES on their deepest innermost feelings
| Isnt that what he done
| If she kills herself tf be hus fault
| His
| Have you heard anything from her?
| Have you seen her?
| >>71a33f Good job pinning the blame of a potential suicide of an *already long term depressed girl* on a guy while also telling him it's bad to make people feel blamed.
Not to mention disregarding that he established there is no imminent risk of suicide.
Honestly the best help you could give this guy is to stop posting so the thread is less cluttered with your shit and some actual reasonable people's messages would get seen.
| >>71a33f Fine, I'll take the bait, I'll argue with you a little bit.
I never even mentioned what I said to her and yet you assumed that I blamed her for something.
| For real though, please price this arrogant ass wrong
| Prove*
| When I said "bursted out" I meant I raised my voise a little when trying to prove her that she is not garbage
| Me the clown look whos the clown now
| Blated "oh. Didnt blast anything i just raised my voice a litte"
| shut the bull crap
| I dont believe a singlething
| Let me hear from.her side
| Youre JUST A HORNY BOY LOOKING FOR COFORT WANTING EVERYONE TO SAY "Hey its okaii what you did wasnt your faut. And it must of been hard for you"
| ha you in pain please
| You can joke around so i dont thik youre in much pain
| >>71a33f You're so clearly high off the fumes of your own ego it's baffling.
Stop blindly assuming people's story and arguing that you know their lives better than them.
You're literally a stranger on the internet, and not an all too smart seeming one at that.
If you have to be an entitled little shit at least go and do it somewhere that less people will see you embarrass yourself.
| Nonstop
| Well, that's only one kind of pain but still
| I actually feel better now, this shitshow raised my mood quite a bit. I talked with my gf today, we discussed things a little, problems are still there, but I think I know in which direction I should move now.
| Yeah many people have diffrent coping mechanims but thats not the point here he clearly said that if he knew what he was going to get into he wouldnt go to her. He even think of dumping her? But stays as he doesnt want to be alone
| ha more like youre a desperate piece of shit
| >>5c38c8 That's awesome OP. Sorry for the big part I played in feeding the shitshow this was, but that entitled little ass clown really got under my skin.
I hope you guys can patch things up, and at the very least become two healthier people, if not one healthy couple.
If you feel like it in future it'd be nice to see an update post to know how this all went.
Hope the gold feeling stays, and that you stay strong.
| Everything will end she will leave you
| Cant wait to see another post og you saying she left
| Patch up pleaze you know you dont love her but hey as you cant find anyome else why not stay righy
| Me grow up look at yourself
| >>71a33f Oh you're still here? I thought you'd have gone back to your cave to sulk when somebody reached a happy conclusion without all of your *EXPERT HELP*
| You litwrally said you was only horny mate so dont talk
| Simp
| Hahaha and yet youre in pain
| Pfft please
| Youre just a horny boy whos looking for comfort
| >>71a33f Why is it your sole purpose in this thread is now to just degrade this guy and make him feel bad?
What are you upset because he proved your opinion.. oh sorry I mean "truth" wrong by responding? Is your ego that fragile that you need everyone to know you're right, and when you're not you just tantrum like a little baby and keep hurling insults at somebody who you claimed you wanted to help?
| >>5c38c8 Sorry OP, I know I'm only fuelling this whole mess, but as your story seems to have reached a good conclusion I hope you don't mind me, and anybody else who has a brain, continuing to use this thread to lampoon this fucking would be psychologist man child.
| >>5c38c8 Honestly at this point I don't know. I was hoping it was all wrapped up when you'd posted your last update, but this guy almost seems like he genuinely believes he's being of some help and I take great pleasure in illustrating the fact that he's a fucking idiot.
| Honestly I'm just glad to see none of his ramblings have affected you, as my first responses were a sort of balancing act in the hopes that if you read what he'd said you'd at least see a counter point to stop you from letting you feel bad.
| I agree with her though what she said was the truth
| What a read
Anyway goodlucks to op and his girl. I think you should know that too many people just simply gives up in the face of this kind of situation. You've been pretty cool about it
| Ok I didn't real all of this bc I'm lazy so I'm sorry if I repeat advice
When you get the chance, apologize to her. Let her know that you're sorry for what you said and that you realize it was wrong and will try to do better. Accepting responsibility says a lot.
Step two, let her know you're there for her and that she has people there to support her. Let her know things will be better. Let her know suicide is NOT the option. Compliment her a lot, just be her rock.
| So umm...
How's it going op?
| Haha he yeah so youre a she huh
| >>71a33f
Sigh, that's all I can say.
>>983fe6
You should probably stop as well, not saying anything wrong with you, just stop feeding this guy, as op said he's clearly a troll. He probably doesn't mean anything he's saying, just one of those people that get joy out of pissing people off on the internet. Honestly not worth your time.
Good luck op.
| Hahahahaha yeah if that's what you think
| Yeah man I'm one hell of a horny duuudddeeee
| How stupid can you get?!!
| Just don't fuel the attentionwhoring and let it die out.
Good luck OP!
| I just want to know how op and gf are doing
| huh maybe you should guide ur gf to a better source of stability ie not you if you are worried you may fail her. perhaps another friend or like a professional. wishing you all the best op.
| i think we can all appreciate OP did something wrong by bursting in anger, but also appreciate they are aware of this.
also OP is never trying to pass off as a victim.
hell, OP even knows what they want : >"I've never felt so sad in my life holy shit send help"
i don't get what the point is to bash it in their face that they "don't love".
real love doesn't save people. everything good doesn't have to come from unwavering love.
what i really want to know is how OP and gf do.
| Simping is hard
| >>657591
Maybe OP did wrong by bursting out in anger. Maybe he didn't. There are times where you can get angry despite not doing anything necessarily wrong.
I used to be in a similar situation as OP and the girl I was with was extremely manipulative but only did it in small doses, if that makes sense. Every single move was small enough to not warrant an emotional response. But over time this wears on you and eventually one of those manipulative moves is the one that makes you snap.
| >>aa17ec
Having a depressed girlfriend isn't abnormal though. Or are you calling Rick Deckard a simp?
You sound pretty fucking sweaty yourself btw.
| >>490ed8 I am not saying that it is abnormal but having that much of an investment other than yourself is retarded. Also he basically admits that she is the only that is willing to date him, it sounds to me that he is dating her out of desperation
| >>657786 he admitted that that's why he *started* dating her... you can come to value people more than you did at first shockingly. It's not bad to care about people in any case
| >>71a33f you are absolutely right.
my sister is currently in an abusive relationship and i'm pretty sure he doesn't love her. i'm always there for her of course but since the lockdown she's getting worse and worse.
i'm currently looking for a therapist for her and you mentioned you're on 7cups. sorry if i'm asking for too much but can you give me your name or recommend someone maybe? any help will be appreciated
| >>657791 he like good amount of the nowaways young male population didnt grow properly, it is a one sided relationship where he was a dependent incel regardless of him starting to value/love her...
| How is this thread not dead yet, it's week old, op didn't write anything for a week either
Also imagine using "simp" unironically
This thread is closed.
| I made her go to a therapist couple of months ago, but with corona it is more difficult and not so effective. Yesterday I reached my limit and bursted out on her for talking about how she will kill herself because she is a total loser (in her eyes). We haven't talked since, but I don't know if I even have anything new to say, I feel like I've already said all I could (not just yesterday, in total).
I've never felt so sad in my life holy shit send help