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I think I'm mentally fucked

| I keep feeling like there are things outside and in the shadows that are going to kill me. I keep scratching and biting myself and punching my walls. I keep seeing silhouettes of people and creatures in the corner of my eyes. I get bad anxiety out of nowhere and images of killing people close to me, strangers and pets sometimes flash in my head when looking at them.

I think I'm mentally fucked and I'd really appreciate some advice.

| go see a phycaitrist Immediatly, You need medication and help before it gets worse.

| Yeah. See a psychiatrist, op. This is too serious to ask on the internet

| >>588815 >>588817
I'm seeing one soon. I'm set up on a list to get in at one. Is it really that serious though? Like, it's obviously not good, but immediately?

| Could be scizophrenia. Definitely not something one can tackle alone. Just ignore whatever you see or feel. Ignoring it might be something you'll have to learn to lead a normal life. I don't know shit, so don't get overly intimidated.

| >>588822
Yeah, I know. I have a lot of schizophrenia symptoms, but I'm not sure if it's that. I try to ignore the stuff, but it's rather intrusive, and I don't really control the scratching and stuff before a second or two of doing it.

| Sounds normal to me.

| sounds like Paranoid Schizophrenia. I have Schizoaffective disorder so I can relate somewhat. Definitely go to the doc and it'll get somewhat better. Somewhat. You also need to learn to manage somethings bc there's no such thing as a "cure" unfortunately. Good luck g/u/rl

| Be vigilant and be safe buddy. I hope the best outcome from the therapy soon.

| >>588844 >>588847
Thank you.

| >>588844
Huh, no. I don't think it's paranoid schizophrenia. I don't feel like people are watching me. I feel like something that doesn't exist, monster like creatures, sometimes do, but not people. I also don't have any voices. "Hallucinations" aren't really a thing either. I definitely see things in the corner of my eyes, but trying to look at them head on doesn't work as they just dissapear. I've only had one thing I could look at properly.

| For real, until you see a specialist, just ignore and refocus on something else. Some time later it'll be easier for you and all this won't repeat as often

| Tulpa.info

| >>588940
That's good. I'll try to ignore it until then.

| I may be going to a specialist sooner than expected. Hopefully it'll help.

| Best of luck, op!

| May the force be with you.

| Thanks.

| Good luck man.

Care to keep us updated if you can?

| >>589403
Sure. I talked with a doctor today and he's going to either send me to a therapist who will send me to therapists who are more specialized or send me straight to the specialized ones. So I'll probably be seeing someone next week, which is also the first week of school.

| Well, it's a start. Gotta begin somewhere. Stay strong man

| >>589576
Thank you. I'll try.

| I'll go slightly more into detail about this stuff just to vent and in case anyone is interested. I'll start with delusions.

Basically, I'm fucking delusional. I don't really believe any of the delusions, I know that they're, well, delusions, but it doesn't really help. At times I feel like I'm in a movie. Well, not really. It's more like I'm on a movie set, but there's no movie being filmed, and nothing except for that movies set (the walls around me) exists.

| There are also delusions that come along with the creatures and stuff I see in the corner of my vision. Sometimes I'll see something, either humanoid or creature like moving for example past a door, between trees, in the living room, stuff like that.

And sometimes, I get this feeling that tells me the movements and locations of those creatures. If I see something, I occasionally know where that creature is now, or I feel one of them moving up behind me and know which one it is.

| Luckily they don't talk. I'm not that far down. That doesn't mean they aren't pieces of shit though. They tend to stay away of I'm in a good mood though, which is nice, but a good mood can be difficult to get in when my emotions are sometimes drastically decreased, close to non-existent (aside from the feelings of anxiety, those don't disappear along with the rest).

Nicotine helps, but it doesn't hit everything. If I'm bad, they're still there, just slightly easier to ignore.

| I can have days though, like the last few ones, or most of the days last week, where the symptoms aren't really that noticeable, not that prominent. I can also have a week straight though, where I'm completely fucked, which happened around a month ago.

When I'm that bad there's just a constant stream of delusions and anxiety, and my imagination starts feeding me tons and tons of scenarios about the world not existing, me being a murderer and just weird, fucked shit.

| I hope you don't mind the ranting. It feels good to talk about it.

| >>589791
I read all of it and I hope it will help you get some peace of mind.

| >>589795
Hehe, thank you. It will.

| I like reading stuff like that. Getting to see someones direct perspective of stuff like that is really interesting.

Good thing that you perceive the monsters/humans in a way that you know it's fabricated. Looking at the signs and judging from the outside helps you dismiss problematic things easier.

And since you use nicotine to calm yourself down, be careful. In this case, consuming too much nicotine won't reduce the symptoms even more, but rather brings more long term problems.

| Using certain drugs in small doses is helpful. But overdoing it can be dangerous

| i also feel this way. yesterday i went to my backyard and saw a random dog by my plants. keep in mind, there's absolutely no way a dog could get in my backyard, there's no fences or anything. that a dog could crawl under. i went to my living room to catch my keys and open my backyard door, and the dog was gone. i felt very weird for the rest of the day. hope this isn't the beginning for something worse ;_;

>sibyl knobs medic

| >>589867
Yeah. It's lucky that I know they're not real, but in the moment it doesn't really help. It's good for my overall sanity though.

>>589867 >>589868
Yeah. I try to not use it unnecessarily.

That's definitely weird, but doesn't mean anything. It could have been an actual dog. If you keep seeing things that aren't real, that's a problem, but you shouldn't worry. Even if it was an hallucination, one time is not a problem, and you don't have any other symptoms.

| I should probably throw this in as a little update. Basically, I was walking to school and saw a friend of mine who walks the same way walk a hundred metres or so in front of me. I looked around at the scenery for a bit because it was the first day at a new school so I'm not used to that route.

I looked back, and he wasn't there. I didn't really think about it, he walks pretty fast and there are a lot of different ways to walk there.

| What was fucked is that when I was talking to him later that day I said I saw him walking in front of me on the way to school. He seemed confused and told me that he drove to school that day. Usually that could be explained with "someone who kind of looked like him", but that simply wasn't the case.

I saw his face clearly, and there's nobody at the school who looks like him at all. So basically I had my most realistic hallucination yet, and that doesn't bode well.

| Damn. That's some extra level stuff.

Did you have less sleep or something like that on that day? Or were you not deprived of anything?
If you were, maybe that would be why the hallucination was more realistic than others.
If you weren't, be on the lookout for similar stuff and try to find connections as to why it might've happened.

Either way, this stuff is interesting. Keep us updated

> sane oxen keck

| >>590541
I think I had 4-5 hours of sleep, so not ideal and I got tired later in the day, but at the moment I was feeling awake and full of energy (which is unusual). So it could have been partially affected by not a lot of sleep, but I'm not sure.

I looked "him" for quite a bit though, probably close to 10 seconds, and the walking was extremely realistic. I can't remember the details of what jacket "he" was wearing though, it was blurred out in my head almost immediately.

| >>588939
op perhaps you already know but you dont have to have every and exact symptom listed in the dsm/icd/etc to be diagnosed with a particular disorder. For instance you stated that you experience seeing things in the corner of your eyes. Since youre seeing something that isnt there its still considered a hallucination. But ofc having a specialist see you is best in deciding a diagnosis and treatment plan since each individual experince life differently

| >>590576
She probably meant that she doesnt have paranoid scitzofrenia, but a different type of it

| >>590576 >>590579
Yeah, nah I've more than realized now that the things I'm seeing are considered hallucinations, as I've now seen two clear ones and read some definitions.

Yeah, it seems like a milder form of some sort of schizophrenia, but as the anon said I think it's a different type, not paranoid schizophrenia. Paranoid seemed very different from what I have, but schizophrenia in general seems to match really well, so it's a different type (if any).

| Don't mind me. Just making sure that the thread doesn't get locked too soon

| https://youtu.be/xbagFzcyNiM
Girl on TEDx talks about her experience with scizophrenia. Maybe OP or someone will find it useful or gets inspired in some way.

| Up you go

| I should probably update you. I've actually been doing pretty good this week. Started at a new school and I'm really happy with it. I had a pretty bad time with this mental fuckage on Wednesday, but overall it's been good.

I haven't heard from the doctor who's supposed to be getting me a therapist though, which kind of sucks, but hopefully he'll be getting in contact with me and have one booked some day in the coming week.

| >>591510
that's good to hear your doing good :)

| my best buddy who has similar hallucinations, i think he said it helps when you keep telling yourself its not real, as you said you do. it doesnt make the experience of hallucinating more pleasant, but he thinks it helps him keep his head together. times when he gave in and accepted the visions and voices were real, for example, he would end up running into the forest or something really dangerous.

| he does also keep a log of his hallucinations. what they were, how he was feeling prior to the event, did he get enough sleep, did he eat, was he physically active, was he social.

he was eager to learn if certain conditions made hallucinations more frequent so he could reduce them. im not sure of his findings, but he went like 3 months without a major incident so i think he came up with some ideas of what helped him.

| >>591800
I don't really tell myself they're not real, I just kind of know it, but as you said it doesn't help a lot.

Keeping a long of them isn't something I'd want to do. If it helps him, that's good. But I feel like writing about them, especially if it's detailed, is giving them too much respect.

| >>591815
that makes sense. for him that worked. for you, it could make them worse. i hope things go well with the therapist you get. they might know other strategies that are better suited for you. (my id changed agan holy heck...)

| >>591825
Yeah, they probably do. I hope things go well for your friend. He sounds a lot worse of than me.

| >>591826
he has a lot working against him but he used to be much worse. i wish i could do more for him. but i guess he knows im there for him.

having people you can lean on is really important. i hope you can find that for yourself too. or maybe you already have it.

(i wish my id didnt change constantly. i know im phoneposting over data but my ip cant be changing this frequently....)

| >>591839
Yeah, letting him know you're there is good. I have friends that while I haven't talked about this topic with I know I can talk to them if it gets bad + some people on Discord that are willing to listen and give advice.

Don't worry about your ID changing. You're easy to recognise with the way you write and the topic we're talking about.

| >>591842
watch out with friends. witnessing someone having a psychotic episode (my friend is an e-friend, but ive "witnessed" through our online chats) is emotionally disastrous, especially if they dont know you have this condition (it sounds like yours isnt this severe though). some people cant handle it. i know thats unfair as fuck since you have to actually experience this firsthand, but yeah...

| >>591855
No, I totally get that. Unfair as it may be, it's true. I wouldn't want any of my friends to have to witness something like that, but in my current state I don't think the risk is fully there.

I am selfish though, so I will most likely talk to my friends about it if it gets really bad, even if it means them seeing me in a far from ideal state. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but if it does I'll try to avoid snapping when I'm around them and get professional help.

Total number of posts: 54, last modified on: Sat Jan 1 00:00:00 1566771516

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