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do we know how to play D&D?
| Golstaff, you have entered the door to the north. You are now by yourself standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls-
| In the center of the room, a life-size statue of a penis stands erect, boasting an intimidating and massive presence. The statue is a vivid, raw pink, with a sheen of sweat-like moisture covering its surface.
This fleshy monument is a striking and dominant sight, with a thick, veiny shaft that rises proudly, reaching an impressive height of over six feet. The room seems to shrink around this phallic monument, drawing your gaze to its throbbing, pulsating length.
| “A holy place “ a smile lights my beautiful eleven face beneath my shining silver armor. “But where did the good people go?” I advance, sword in hand, and cast detect evil, while thinking of what brought me, Salina, gurlpaladin of the goddess of health and joy to this place
| First step: try not to sleep
Second step: make sure you doesn't sound bored
Third step: try to remember what happen so you can talk about it post session
Final step: have sex with nerd girl (the only reason you'd play this willingly)
| Dungeon and Dragons is just like sexting without the sex
| Can I summon a mob to beat me up and steal all my gold?
| >>1021258 you ready your fists and with all your strength you try to smash the phallus apart but it is in vain. your hits glance off the glistening surface, leaving not even a dent.
Suddenly a noise, a low growling sound.
The phallus has changed somehow. Has it grown... Taller?
| I roll a 14 on detect evil! Show yourself evil doer! Who has defiled the temple of plap!
| >>1021445
Tsmt bestie. They actually laughed nervously and I never brought it up again and quit the campaign after a while because it wasn’t interesting sigh…
This only shows we need our own games EVEN MORE I wanna have them to play Dodge ball too during the fights to make them more exciting and get everyone warmed up and sweaty
| >>1021451
The trick is to ask while you're on your knees and between their legs, breathing heavily while you lean into them.
Now, give me a diplomacy or performance check to see how well you convince them.
| “Oh powerful dm, have mercy on a girl like me, I can’t barely play when the game brings up such passions and I’m surrounded by such beauty, and the sensuality of your characters would be criminal to do away with! Let me have sex with you during the sex scenes. I don’t care what you look like, you’ll always be big enough for me, you’ll always be beautiful to me, I just want to look up and see your pleasure, and to feel it in me.”
I ROLLED A 19 on DuckDuckGo omg (-3 for my charisma)
| Okay, so that's a success, but you take a level of exhaustion from spending the rest of the session down there. On the bright side, you level up, and the DM asks you to stay after everyone leaves.
| Yes!!! I love you DM-kun! I’ll do anything for you…
| >>1021899
The DM politely asks you to leave the campaign with a flushed, if a bit perplexed, blue expression on his face. What do you do?
| I take his hand and look into his eyes, conveying my love and respect for him with every ounce of you soul. “Of course. I always want you to be happy. But are YOU having fun as a DM? You’ve always taken such good care of us players… and you know how I feel about you.”
Rolled a 15 -3 for 12
I’m just using DuckDuckGo idk if it’s nice or what, but I think the god of luck smiles on our love
| >>1021920
12, that's alright.
The DM flushes a bright, lively red for a moment, before turning away with tightly squeezed lips, gently pulling his hand away from your touch.
"I'm sorry G/u/rl," he began, holding back a nervous stutter, "but this won't work. We're just Player and Dungeon Master. No more."
He fell into a silence. A second passed before he spoke up once more: "Besides," he cleared his throat, "this is a beginner campaign. I don't want to love anyone who plays 5e."
| >>1021923
"well-I'll run a GURPS campaign! I'll learn! Right here, for you!" My smile and wide eyes fade into a sadness as I open my file manager and see I deleted those books long ago, when I accepted I'd never be a roleplayer. "no....you deserve better. I'm sorry I thought-I just-" I choke up and start crying to myself. I can hardly breath the sobbing comes so fast.
| Alright, give me a Charisma check with Advantage (roll twoce, take the highest), to see how he reacts to your honest tears of sadness and despair
| 13 and natural 20! -3 for cha as before. Ok I’m having my suspicions about DuckDuckGo’s dice roller. The probability of 4 rolls being above 10is low, but of course that goes for any specific outcome. 1 1 1 1 is is equally likely as 19 15 13 20 but idk I guess with large sample size I’d just say if the mean is significantly unequal to 10.5. Maybe I could do one of the tests from my statistics class? I hope you don’t think I’m a cheater. Thanks for being my gm : )
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| can we try?