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The cleaning lady (33F) and I (21M) got kinda kinky and it doesn't feel right

| I'd post this in doujin but ppl there are horny and don't think straight.
This is not fiction, it actually happened and I don't know how to feel about it...
It is a serious topic and I'd appreciate that you treat it as such...

What happened to day was surreal to say the least. I live alone in an apartment we (me and my older brother) inherited from my mother three years ago, things is we are cleaning the place so that it looks spotless and we thought of hiring a cleaning lady...

| ...one got recommended to me and she showed up first thing in the morning, I helped her get done a lot of stuff since there was a lot of dust and and a lot of junk that we had to throw away. Well, we both take a short break since she smokes and I made her some coffee, we start to talk and eventually we both open up about our lives for absolutely no reason...

| She eventually opens up even more and tells me things at home aren't good and that she's got a bad relationship with her husband, she shouts at her and hasn't hit her yet but I know the piece of shit will at some point because she told me he grabbed her by the neck once already.
It's specially rough because she's got two kids, she got married really young, this woman is from Romania and her father basically pressured her into getting married with the first man who laid hands on her

| Now this is the part when I start being a total fucking dickhead and get involved, I pretty much tell her to either call social services and have her husband taken away if she ever hits her or for her to just leave the house, but above all I STRONGLY suggested she see a therapist before she takes any action. Tells me she's told this to absolutely nobody but she felt OK talking about with me out of sheer intuition...Akward...

| She's comprehesively hesitant and worries about the kids a lot and I tell her being a house like that isn't gonna be any good for the kids either ( which is true ). Anyway she starts hugging me and she's pretty well endowed so I get aroused and I start thinking with my dick instead of my brain, we start touching each other quite a lot, hands on things, hugging and so on...

| It was weird because we just met today and we both acknowlege that, eventually I was very straightforward with her and asked her if she found me attractive and she said yes and everything else was pretty suggestive and self explanatory, I tell her she's attractive as well but I tell her that first and foremost she's got to go to therapy for her kids and for her own good

| I feel like a dickhead and manipulative because it's almost like I'm taking advantage of her, she said she liked me and that she felt by my voice as if she had known me her whole life.

So yeah, I paid for her hours, even if we spent one hour pretty much talking and fondling each other.

I accompany her to the car and she pretty straighforwardly tells me she was hungry for more (I was too believe me).

| When I get into my apartment I start masturbating cause holy shit you wouldn't believe how much my balls hurt and it's like she fucking knows and calls me, we have a suggestive short conversation and after a few minutes I hang up. Tells me she'll be here next Sunday and that she'll call me up when she's single and If I'm not taken...

I really dont wanna jeopardize our future, this guy checks her phones, her purse, everything and I'm not looking for anything serious with this woman

| And I, even though I really find her sexually arousing, feel like this is no good though, for both of us, and that she should seek therapy and I should just fucking masturbate and get that sweet post nut clarity, we were both horny, adrenaline and dopamine kicked in and we were not reasoning.

I can think of like a hundred reasons this could go south, real quick, we both would feel akward after the sex, my horny moron teenager brain kicked in and I wasn't myself.

| My teenager brain was thinking "ALRIGHT, SWEET OCCASIONAL SEX WITH A MILF" but my present self knows this ain't right, she did this because she felt lonely and sad and cause she resents her situation and that this is no good for me and I should stay away from it.

I still strongly encourage her to go to therapy though but how do I tell her that I feel that this isn't right when she comes home next Sunday and how do I tell her all of this, how I feel, how I was acting today...

| Cause it's either we have sex and she feels used and shallow afterwards (cause this woman and I have pretty much nothing in common apart from being aroused by each other) or we don't have sex and she feels used and shallow afterwards either way. I'd feel awful afterwards after either one of those options because I gave her a yes and in reality it's a no. It just doesn't sit right with me cause it's wrong, maybe if the circumstances were different maybe but it's just wrong.

| I'm a fucking horndog but I don't really like hookup culture, specially this time.
I'm not a very sexually active guy and feel like having sex with someone that is really meaningful to me in retrospect.

Even If we had sex how would I be straightforward about this being nothing serious?

It's kinky but akward, I've always wanted to bang an older woman but this is not it, this is wrong and I know it. I feel like a manipulative piece of shit now.

| I fucked up BIG TIME and I need help. Please throw me a bone here and thanks in advance. You're just gonna have to believe this is real and that It happened cause I can't make this shit up.

I feel like we will both feel shallow and empty afterwards and that its not worth it. I feel like this kind of casual sex is gonna hurt me in the long run. Like who's in control? Me? or the sexual desire? I wanna open myself up for the right person this time and not make the same mistakes...

| ...in the past, it's almost like a demented adolescent fantasy cause you have to divorce your sexuality from the humanity of the people who you're engaged with sexually, that's the path to psichopathy.

My issue here is how can I tell her that it's over without being a douche, which I am btw, I wanna be honest to this poor woman, she's never experience what teenager love is and I feel she kinda longs for that feeling but it's misplaced

| and as for me I guess at the time I was longing for that dopamine rush... I am fucked up, I'm not a nofap guy or a celibate, not even religious, but I do believe in virtue and values and this just feels wrong to me and I don't know what to do about it. Part of this text was written minutes after this happened, some of it hours after it, so it might feel "detached", I apologize for that, If anything this acts as a gateway to let my feelings out. But again, advice is very appreciated

| Have fun with this one g/u/rls, I think I'm hopeless

| I love sex.

| damn thats crazy but this aint reddit

| You're sleeping with the maid? I've done that. Did you ever eat an ostrich burger?

| /u/nited isn't the place where you talk about that, copy paste what you've written on r/relationships, people will actually be serious there

| Flirting with people in mental and emotional distress is one of the worst ways to manipulate someone, and when it leads to sex it's borderline rape, as you don't have consent but induce it.
Help her fix her situation if you want, but keep things clear, and if after everything is fixed, her situation *and* mental/emotional stress, then you can do whatever you both feel like doing. But only after all is fixed.

| Oh, and since you also are her employer, this makes things even worse, so don't be an abuser and show that you can have morals, even if they don't make you feel good.

| >>18cc79 Here she is, the morals g/u/rl.
OP, don't listen to her - the woman clearly needs to be comforted, emotionally, physically and, if it comes to it, sexually.

Don't feel forced to provide the comfort yourself. You write that sex is something special to you, which is fair. But if the relationship develops into a situation where you are comfortable with having sex, just... go for it. Follow your heart and it will lead you true.

| I agree with >>5b5748

"That poor woman is emotionally distraught because of her shit husband and the Kids..
Lets leave her die in her shitty mental state !"
Like, wtf >>18cc79, arent people allowed to comfort other people? Even if the relationship is employer/employee?
However, I do think sex is a VERY bad idea for the both of them

| >>788979 Did you not read the part about how her husband goes through her shit to make sure she isn't fooling around with another guy??

>>I really dont wanna jeopardize our future, this guy checks her phones, her purse, everything and I'm not looking for anything serious with this woman

You really do think with your dick more than your brain, and were not even involving the heart AT ALL with this emotional fuck pie of a mess.

| OP do the right thing, and have her see a counselor about her and her husband's relationship. If successful on them breaking up, then you can do whatever you want. This shit makes me want to take a smoke now

And as for >>f7f371 >>5b5748 you guys really suck at giving advice when a situation like this is serious, this isn't some dopey love novel you'd find at a store

| Update from OP (I'm on my phone, username might be different):

She showed up today and it was...intense to say the least. First thing I tell her when she comes through the door is that we need to talk about yesterday. So we have a long talk about how this is not a good idea and well, she agrees, we weren't ourselves yesterday and I pretty much spit everything out about how If we end up doing it it's going to lead to regret...

| Anyway she was agreeable through the whole thing and well I thought we left it at that, I have encouraged her to leave that relationship and get counseling and she says she's gonna do it (GREAT!) and that was a relief. Even though I don't love this woman it's not like I don't care about her situation.

Anyway, I told her I gathered the courage to talk to her about it because I meditated for 2 minutes and then wrote my feelings down on paper and that it really helps organize your...

| ...feelings and plan out what she's gonna do before she acts and If anything good can be taken away from the situation is that at least she talked but I advised her yet again that we can't do it cause it's just plain wrong even if she's single. That we both would feel bad afterwards and that even if she was single she needs to heal first before having sex with a complete stranger. She agrees again, says she will take action and says I'm really focused for someone my age (I'm not)..

| so the poor woman starts hugging me really tightly and reassures me that it's not meant to be sexual, well, I tell her I don't have an erection so it's fines but she starts escalating the situation and she pushes me to bed and hops on me, I'm still not horny at this point but she clearly is and encourages me to touch her breasts and I do for like a second and then decline and that we can't do this. Anyway, didn't go anywhere beyond that and she tells me that...

| Did you pay her for the day and more importantly, did she do any cleaning?

| ...when she's single we'll do it and I pretty much tell her no, that I don't really want to cause I'd feel awful afterwards and it would hurt her in the long run and then she asked me If we could stay friends and that I helped her a great deal (we did talk in great detail about her situation and a lot more came to light, this woman is in a rough and miserable place).

I replied with yes but she also told me that if I wanted her to start interacting with me that would also be fine..

| So yeah. I'm summary we talked, she agreed this is bad but she mainly would feel guilty because she's in a relationship now but even if she was single it'd just be bad for both of us, she pushed me to bed, I contained my urges and to an extent she did too. It just felt depressing to me and I believe she knew I didn't feel right, when I was straightforward about not doing it though she said it was okay and that we could still be friends, I highly doubt this... that's it for now.

| I really think we should both go our separate ways ,but again, even If I don't love her I don't think it's healthy to leave her in the dark, she's gonna have a hard time dealing with leaving this guy, they already separated once and she went back to him again...I honestly think I can't help her and that I can only do so much, she needs therapy real bad but I don't know how to tell her that I really don't desire anymore interaction.

| It'd just get weird and kinky again and I don't really look forward to that. Anyway I'm a total douchebag, no need to tell me that I already know but If I can just prevent going full douchebag and stay half douchebag I think that's already good. This woman agrees that if this is gonna harm me that it's fine if we leave it at this. So yeah, I wanna end this by saying I've read all your replies and I appreciate your POVs.

| We have to value this woman as the human she is, she has feelings and emotions and can't be reduced to a sexual object even if she doesn't realize it yet she's not in a situation where she can think straight and that's why I refuse to do this.

That and restraining myself from having sex with someone I don't love and detaching their humanity from them.

| >>ade7e1 I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said, at the time I wasn't myself and again I also told her this very thing, that I was thinking with my dick rather than my brain which she appreciated me being honest about and I'm glad she did. This woman needs counseling and real help before she starts having one night stands with any random douchebag like me.

Even then, with counseling and getting out of that toxic relationship she's in I truly do believe she won't have...

| ...anymore desire for stuff like this, that is, if she gets counseling which does not depend on me. That is with time to heal from all this shit considered.

| >>890fd9 I already posted it in that subreddit before I did here, no replies at all, so...yeah. Let's just say I was desperate for advice.

| Another disclaimer we made it very clear that we didn't love each other and that we were both looking for sexual relief but yeah I told her I was pretty worried about her getting attached and rightfully so, she told me it was fine but yeah, there goes another reason not to do it even if she's single, it's not healthy for her not for me.

| Tldr

| You did good OP

Like idk my love is cheap I'd have fallen for this woman in like an instant because I'm a loner and that's probs what other g/u/rls here feel, but you don't and recognised this isn't the time to fuck around.

| The last update: after yesterday we've agreed to end it for good and just put it behind us, that's a relief and she took it surprisingly well. Gotta say this has taken a mental toll on both of us, poor lady... and as for me at least I can take away that I started being reasonable halfway through, I'm mentally exhausted, It's been a life lesson for sure and I'm glad I was able to restrain myself. I don't think I will wanna bother with any kind of relationship in a while-

| - I'm a reasonable, focused and serene person on my own and that's fine, I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore. What I meant by any kind of relationship I mean like people as a whole, I need a break from society for a while. I really hope she seeks therapy and talks to a lawyer and I'm glad we stopped this early on, huge burden off of my shoulders. Thank you to all the g/u/rls that replied and gave their input.

| Another thing that I think contributed to her taking it well and agreeing that it wasn't ok is that in the end we didn't end up doing it. Imagine if we had, how used she would have felt after today. I'm glad lust didn't take over.

| >>789369 Well I must admit I expected you to do crap and you didn't, good job. Most people would have been little shits and you managed to have more will and moral, so good job.

| The important thing is this didn't exacerbate into anything way worse; had OP gone with it—his life would've probably be at risk as much as hers

| Yank her from the fag

| t b h

| >>fe4724 lol

Total number of posts: 50, last modified on: Fri Jan 1 00:00:00 1632259819

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