danger/u/
This thread is permanently archived
How to come out?

| Now, okay. I'm a believer of, like, coming out not being necessary. Not everyone needs to know your gender identity or sexuality, and if you're not comfortable sharing it with certain people then you shouldn't feel pressured to.

But, what if there are certain people that I really, really want to come out to, but I'm really scared?
Because, I think it would be very comforting for me if they knew, but I'm scared that I'll explain poorly or, like, not come across how I want to.


| Like, how do I explain something like that to my parents for example? Would they be dissapointed that I'm not what they've always thought I am? Would they have a hard time understanding? How to I explain stuff like this in a way that's not confusing and not overwhelming in any way?

I've been wanting to do this for a very long time now but I have no idea how. How's my sister gonna react to it? I'm scared.


| >Not everyone needs to know
Yeah based
>gender identity
doesn't exist
>what if there are certain people that I really, really want to come out to, but I'm really scared?
The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind... unless it's some utter degeneracy then who cares buddy? Probably not your rakastettu...


| >I'm scared that I'll explain poorly
Imagine you both have 1 hour free time.
Get some coffee, rilax. After 1 hour amical convo, for sure buddy, no misunderstandings survive.
Open up slowly?


| >>998046
You're, interesting. Telling me it ain't real while also trying to give genuine advice?


| Yo pierre


| >>741866
You wanna come out here?


| >>741702
Well "gender identity" aint a thing. You're confusing it with personality. Sexual/romantic attraction is so real it's silly obvious. So that's the thing. It's not too complicated: "hey, you know, I wanted you to know that I am actually into [M/F/MF]
Eezy Peezy


| Also you're being shy about it which is cute


| mfw people repeatedly try and say "gender identity" isnt a thing like holy fuck lmao


| Good luck OP <3

Making the most vulnerable parts of yourself known to others can be very harrowing but also rewarding. Don't give yourself to anyone tgat wont respect it.


| >>741901
Of course it isn't. Personality is, however. That's basically how people work.
>>741903
True dat.


| >>741907
"Abstract personality exists but gender identity as a facet if that personality doesnt"

we get it you hate anything pc or progressive or sjw and dont understand why terms exist


| It's unfortunate that people want to try and reduce experiences that people are actually speaking about and contextualizing to "just personality" becayse they can't be bothered to look into these concepts or conversations. Like you don't have to like that these terms exist but they do and are used for a reason. Saying "x doesnt exist as a concept" while somehow also arguing for an abstract concept makes no sense lol


| lemme take it a steo further as an example

"Pfft personality doesnt exist. That's just your indelible soul."

Or "that's just the end result of a grouping of protein clusters, chemicals, and external stimuli".

except then that kinda somehow misses the point of what a 'personality' is and how they can all seem somewhat unique despite being somewhat the same.

Tl;dr it isnt wrong to say that gender identity is part of personality at all, but let's not miss the forest for the trees


| >>e77ff6
I'm not into pseudo-scientific left wing bullcrap, so no thanks. You couldn't resist exploding into your pants and trigger-post, could you?
Let me reiterate... NO SUCH THING as "gender identity". In your eternal confusion you seem to think that there's anything besides personality and sexual/romantic attraction. As stated...


| >>e77ff6
I'm not into pseudo-scientific left wing bullcrap, so no thanks. You couldn't resist exploding into your pants and trigger-post, could you?
Let me reiterate... NO SUCH THING as "gender identity". In your eternal confusion you seem to think that there's anything besides personality and sexual/romantic attraction. As stated...


| Besides, who actually gives a damn about OP here? Me who gave actual advice for self-confidence or you who just dragged your fat balls of political disagreement into this...
OP doesn't need this shit...


| >>741903
Thanks :)
I appreciate it.

I can see that this thread has gone, a little downhull while I wasn't looking, and I honestly don't wanna read all of it.
Just know that I appreciate the genuine advice and that it's gender identity I'm coming out about. Nobody cares about sexuality so that was easy, but as you can probably tell there's still a lot of debate about gender identity which is why it scares me to come out.
I just know that it's how I've felt my whole life. That's it.


| >>741922
<3
I support you


| >>741691 If you're afraid of explaining it poorly, maybe you could start by asking what they know about the topic already. Now you know where they stand and what to add.
I kinda just stumbled through my coming out, but something I'm glad I did is talk about the topic "in general" first and only open up about the fact that I belong to that group of people later. This way you can kinda gauge a general response without having to make yourself 100% vulnerable from the start.
Good luck!


| >>741927
Hmm. Yeah. I don't like defining myself by shit like this so I probably won't mention any labels at all and stick to only explaining.
I already know a bit what their thoughts on it are. They don't understand it, like, super well, but they don't have any hatred or negative preconceptions about it, which I'm happy about. Especially considering I'm from a small town in a small country.
I'll give it my best shot the next time I have the opportunity, which should be next week.


| >>741925
Thankies ~<3


| >>741928
>I don't like defining myself by shit like this so I probably won't mention any labels
Yeeee that's based. The big cancer that's plaguing the entire question is identity politics, half-intentionally making up terms and then people jump on the moral issue BS bandwagon. That's what I meant since the start; you don't define yourself by that, it is a part of your personality whether big or small. If you got someone who's close to you they'll thus be closer if they know that.


| wew

OP: i wanna come out about my gender identity
Chud: gender identity doesnt exust but i support you

this app is garbage


| >>741944
Leave then.

It's always suddenly garbage when someone doesn't agree with you


| This is all I'll say about the (apparently political?) indentity part of this.

I understand why people say it's not a thing, because they most likely can't imagine what it feels like. They've never had that deep rooted, intense feeling of things not being right. They haven't had to live their entire life feeling like everything is wrong even before they understand what gender is. They just, don't know, and therefore don't understand and end up denying it.
Can't blame them.


| I mean, I doubt most people have had this hard, sudden, very unpleasant pain from being called "him" (or "her"), not really understanding why it gives them that pain or that just, intense feeling of things not being right. Or that have felt extremely happy when someone has called them the opposite, even if just as a joke.

I've only given a very bare bones and basic description, but, having felt like that since you were a kid you'd understand. But most people never experience that.


| >>741948
Maybe maybe. It's just so bizzarre to me, ya know? Finding reasons to dislike yourself... I dislike myself without needing any reasons hah.
But even then why can't you just say you're a soul with feminine attributes?
I guess it comes from my belief that we are just consciousness controlling meat puppets, and therefore lke I said out bodies don't exactly define us, instead they are our incarnation.


| >>741955
I understand where you're coming from. I truly do. But it's not, like, finding reasons to hate myself. Because I really don't hate myself. I genuinely believe that I'm a really good person and have a really nice body.

But, it's not really, "feminine soul". It's not that I have, just, a bit of a feminine personality sometimes. To be honest I don't act very feminine at all.
But it's like this, internal wave, in a way. I'll explain that metaphor more in my next post here:


| If you can just, try to imagine this for a second:
There's a water. The water is standing still, like the water in a small pond. Everything is normal, and as it should be.
But sometimes, there are waves in this pond. Sometimes, in this little pond that should be standing still, waves occur.
It doesn't make sense, right? It's, wrong. The pond is not like it should be. The pond is, wrong. It's behaving like a sea shore would, when it's a pond with no water running into it.


| When these waves occur, is completely random. The pond is encapsulated. Separated from everything else in the world. It's in it's own bubble.
Nothing on the outside can affect when the pond is normal, and when it has waves in it.
Even the insides and the mind of the person who has this pond inside of them, can affect the pond.

That pond, it's been inside of you for your entire life. Even in your earliest memories.
That pond, is your gender.

Was that easier to understand?


| Hardly. You say you don't want to put labels on yourself... You're right, it's diminishing yourself. But then you turn around and associate yourself with a specific gender. I am confucion! Like, I call myself "me", so I don't consider my existence to revolve around either of the 2 genital teams... Don't you think we're more than that?
And if you can't control this, are you sure it's a sane thing to have?


| >>741962
Do you consider "gender" as something that isn't sane?
Gender, is something unavoidable in our world. If there was a world where gender wasn't a thing, it would not be a problem. But your physical body isn't something you can just, throw away. No matter how nice and preferable spirituality is, your physical body can't simply be discarded. It's something you have to live with, despite the fact that it isn't ideal and conflicts with itself sometimes.


| I don't want to put labels on myself like demanding that people view me as "gender fluid" or anything along those lines, but I also want to make my existence a comfortable one the best that I can.

Explaining to my friends the way I feel and the way my body conflicts with itself, if that would make me feel more comfortable, why shouldn't I?
If my friends sometimes calling me "she/her" is something that makes me feel happy, why should I not at least ask if they're willing to do it?


| That's what I mean by labels.
I don't want to be called a special term for my sexuality or gender identity, because it is unnecessary for me and would honestly make me feel a little uncomfortable.

But I still want to explain to my loved ones the way I feel and the way that I work. It's also a lot easier for me to cope with it all when people rotate between referring to me as "he/him" and "she/her", instead of just one of them.

I'm only human. I just want to finally feel okay.


| Hmmm. You're strangely alright.


| >>742094
I'm, not sure I understand. I mean, thanks! But, I'm confused.


| >>742100
Yeah, I gathered, but you're not as annoying as a certain type of people... I don't really dislike you?


| >>742102
Uh, well, thank you? I'm glad you don't dislike me! I don't dislike you either :)
You seem like a nice person.


| >>742108
If you think I'm nice then you probably don't know me enough.


| >>742109
I will admit that I don't know you well, but, I get the feeling that at least on some level you really are a good person. I know plenty of people who used to have, a lot of flaws, and who were misguided in a lot of ways. Some of them, I did sadly have to leave behind. But, some of them I stuck with and watched them go from selfish and not super tolerant to some of the nicest people I know today :)

So, you might be flawed, but, you remind a lot of those nice at heart ones!


| Okay, so, uh, I guess, update:

I, came out to one of them. Whenever there's been stuff I've needed to get off my chest or come out about he's always been the first of my local friends that I tell about it, and I would honestly trust him with my life.

But, anyway, I wasn't really planning on doing it tonight, but he happened to be free and I just, kinda said it. I told him how I feel, how long I've been feeling that way, how it affects me, and, everything!


| Even though I still have at the very least 3 more to go, probably more like 6-7, I, feel very relieved. I mean, I told my best friend about it before I told anyone else or even made this thread. But, this is different. This is someone who I hang out with in person a lot (my best friend lives out of country), and I've also known this friend since elementary school.

It feels really good to finally otell him about something I've been dealing with for the entire time I've known him.


| *tell


| >>741917 >>742102
I just want to say that usually these terms are made up by smart, understanding people for good reasons and that most people who use them are really the strangely alright type. The terms get diluted and the people get not alright because people end up mutually defending themselves from the other like what happened in the beginning of this thread, not because they're always like that. in any case, I'm glad it turned out well like this.


| >>742166 congratulations! I hope the rest go as well for you. It can be scary to bring things like this up, but I think it's a risk worth taking if you feel this strongly about it.


| >>742209
I really do feel strongly about it. I mean, I've honestly wanted to talk about it for years and years but just, didn't know how and was too scared. But, I'm really glad that I've gotten started now!


| >>742208
Hmm. I do have to agree with you. That's why I prefer not using the actual words for it, and also why I didn't participate in the stuff in the beginning. It would have just been no good. No good at all. Just people getting angry, when I just want wholesome.


| I still have serious reservations about this entire concept but I don't really care that much, as long as you keep this stuff to yourselves I don't see how flaming you would bring me anything


| >>742263
Mhh. I'm not quite sure what you mean? This whole thread is something I made for advice about how to tell the people I wanna tell, which isn't really keeping it to myself.
But, I'm glad you're not "flaming" me? I as well don't see what that would do, so, yeah! Thank you! I think.


| Just make a Facebook post and go "everyone who posts after this line is gay" and follow up with "Suprise~".


| >>742289
He's obviously not fine with it. Keep ignoring him and do your own thing.


| >>742318
No. It's funny, but my sexuality and stuff isn't really something I want my grandparents to know about. I mean, most people who know me already know that I'm not straight through just, casual conversation, so that's no big deal.

But, you know. Gender stuff is still something a lot of people don't know a lot about and are a little uncomfortable with. So, it's very hard to tell others about it when it's done I had a hard time accepting myself, you know?


| >>742263 >>742289 I wish the g/u/rls in /new/ and all the bait threads could be as levelheaded as you two. the board is so much nicer like this


| >>742343
Aw. That's nice of you! I just don't see the need for conflict and that g/u/rl doesn't either, so, yeah! I don't think there's anything more to it than that.

Total number of posts: 56, last modified on: Sun Jan 1 00:00:00 1614456423

This thread is permanently archived