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What should I do now?
| ...
it didn't take much time until her partner realized what happened and dumped her. She felt really bad about it and since then her interest in me almost completely vanished. I almost begged her to stay in contact, because I felt what she did not want to feel like before we did it: like a cheap fuck. It feel really bad, cause I've got the impression not to have met her sexual expectations. In fact she's very interested in extreme stuff, including things I never can or want to do.
| It's okay dude.
Hoes come and go. Especially go.
And honestly, if she's interested in extreme stuff, she's probably a thot.
Just call her if you're still in contact and be regular friends like you always were. If she doesnt want to stay in touch, even better. She clearly didnt value you enough.
Clearly, a quick fuck is equal to a friend for her.
| >>576440
>It's okay dude.
Who said I'm a dude? oO
>Hoes come and go. Especially go.
Yeah, you see I don't like this kind of attitude. And I thought she didn't either.
>And honestly, if she's interested in extreme stuff, she's probably a thot.
I think you're wrong. I would't even have a problem if she gets this kind of satisfaction from other partners (she's bisexual btw.)
>Just call her if you're still in contact and be regular friends like you always were.
That's what I did.
| >If she doesnt want to stay in touch, even better. She clearly didnt value you enough.
I would prefer if it was the other way around, but unfortunately I really like her. She said she is still in love with her ex-partner, who doesn't want her to stay in contact with me as condition to be friends. I understand that what we did was wrong and unfair but how should this become better by an also unfair behavior like this?
>Clearly, a quick fuck is equal to a friend for her.
?
| Such a sane relationship when she doesn't care about you after sex, and when you define your quality as a person by the sexual satisfaction you gave.
| >>576453
>Such a sane relationship
What is a "sane" relationship to you?
>when she doesn't care about you after sex
Which I really hope this isn't the case...
>and when you define your quality as a person by the sexual satisfaction you gave.
I don't. But I define the quality of a relation by the sexual satisfaction it gives to me and partners.
| I hate niggers that cut up posts to give out of context answers to each section
You may think that makes you sound smarter but it just means you can't hold a linear discussion, plus ypu sound like a jerk doing this
| >>576456 A sane relationship is one that make people feel better, not worse. And if the quality of the relation is only sexual to you, then they aren't partners but mates. A relationship is mainly psychological
| >>576458
>that cut up posts to give out of context answers to each section
I don't understand how you don't get the context this way.
>You may think that makes you sound smarter
Nope.
>but it just means you can't hold a linear discussion
How does splitting the posts and answering to each section make them nonlinear?
>plus ypu sound like a jerk doing this
...
>I hate niggers
...
| >>576460
>A sane relationship is one that make people feel better, not worse.
You believe such a thing can exist? I really which I once will experience it too, but I'm very skeptical about it.
>And if the quality of the relation is only sexual to you
This is not what I wrote and meant. Also i find you make it sound like sexuality is something bad :-(
>A relationship is mainly psychological
Yeah, I agree, but sexuality is for me no exception or excluded from that.
| >>576465 you changed "I hate niggers like you" into "I hate niggers" and you don't understand how cutting up sections takes things out of context
What a faggot
| >>576469 oh sorry you changed "I hate niggers that do <behavior I dislike>" into "I hate niggers"
Not that it changes much my point of taking things out of context
And doesn't make you any less of a faggot
| >>576467 That's the point of relationships, and ones that make people feel worse are called abusive or such.
Sexuality has two sides. The "physical" side and the "mental" one. You can see sex as either self-pleasuring, or shared intimacy. In a sane relationship, it would be the second one, and from what you described, it looks more like the first.
And in any case, sex should be secondary in a relationship, or at least never the most important point
| >>576469 >>576470
You think using racist and homophobe words as insults make you sound smart? In your case the context doesn't change that much as you want us to believe, plus you made it worse by writing >faggot
| Op, from the way you're answering, I can tell that you are living in your own bubble, but am waiting for my milk to cool down and I will take this time to spell things out for you.
See, when you like someone or, god forbid, love them, you get obsessed with them. Your brain only thinks of them and sees only the positives in them. Most posts in this thread agree that this is neither a healthy person, nor a healthy relationship yet your brain is telling you otherwise. >
| >>576554 We're not there, and we dont know the whole situation, but from the very beginning the relationship looks fucked. She's in love with someone else, he's keeping her on hold for 3 years (probably fucking chicks on the side), she gets high with you and decides to have a quick fuck. Later she has regrets and you think that its your fault because your fingering game isnt on point. Her "boyfriend" hears about this and demands that she ends her friendship with you...>
| Who's acting like an adult in this story? No one
Here is what I can tell you, op. You seem like a caring person, I like you. There is probably nothing wrong with your sex skills and you're just blaming yourself for something that wasnt your fault. If she doesnt want to talk with you anymore, her loss. Just stop thinking that there is something wrong with you when the whole situation is a fucking romcom episode.
You deserve better.
With that, my milk is now cold.
Just how I like it.
| >>576409 >>576428
A lesson is learned but the damage is irreversible.
It is pretty clear what happened.
When she thinks of you, she thinks of the emotional pain the breakup caused. It is not about the quality of the sex you two had, it never was. She wanted a thrill she wasn't getting with her partner, now she has neither.
Do not cheat in relationships and do not cause others to cheat. It always ends badly.
| OP Here.
Well, I admit that the circumstances are not "perfect". But the whole world isn't perfect and I don't see why we shouldn't at least try to make the best of it.
>>576554
>from the way you're answering,
Could you explain this more detailed?
>I can tell that you are living in your own bubble
Who doesn't?
>when you like someone or, god forbid, love them, you get obsessed with them.
Well I don't believe in love, but this doesn't protect me from having strong feelings.
| >>576554
>Your brain only thinks of them and sees only the positives in them.
In this case I can see all the negatives. But there also lots of positives. I almost forgot how good it feels to be with someone after being single for almost two years. I never had a relation that lasted for more than one year, but I'm fine with it. But I also never had one night stands. I just don't like the idea to share my body the easy come, easy go way. Never understood how people can enjoy this.
| >>576555
>We're not there, and we dont know the whole situation
Yeah, you're right, but I can't provide you all information because it's very personal and also restricted to my pov.
>She's in love with someone else, he's keeping her on hold for 3 years (probably fucking chicks on the side)
No, I think he isn't that kind of guy. I'm afraid that it's rather the other way around because she is very flirty and has a high sexual drive. From what I've heard she betrayed him already once.
| >>b149bd
Which is not that much I think. As I already wrote I don't believe in love and I'm also not so sure about monogamy. I saw to many people playing the perfect couple on the surface but then go cheating or breaking up and replacing the old partner very soon with a new model.
>Who's acting like an adult in this story? No one
Most adults I know are no better than that. I think most of them are very hypocritical and envious because they regret that they suppressed their desires.
| >>576559
>There is probably nothing wrong with your sex skills and you're just blaming yourself for something that wasnt your fault.
Thanks, you may be right. But after all it doesn't really matter. From the current state of things we won't see each other again.
>You deserve better.
Maybe. But I am pretty used to have a discrepancy between what I deserve and what I get. On the other hand I don't like this kind of economistic view on interpersonal relations...
| >>576577
>A lesson is learned
I'm not so sure if things work like this. I see most people do the same failures over and over again. I think it would be better for everyone to redefine what's right and wrong instead of forcing people to fit into idealized shapes.
>but the damage is irreversible.
I could live with this damage, but I'm afraid people make it worse by oversubscribing and reacting to it. It seems forgiveness has become (like solidarity) a forsaken virtue...
| A three year relationship? What a waste of youth! OP, don't be sad and see it that way: You helped a person to break out of an unhealthy relationship. Don't make your sacrifice pointless by trying to bind her to you now. Give her some freedom, and try to enjoy yours. I'm pretty sure she's fucking around now like there's no tomorrow, liberated from the chains of relationship. And so you should do!
| I wish I had these kind of problems.
| >>576626 I really like you, gurl, so let me give you another lesson. Human relationships are 120% economistic and selfish. No one, absolutely no one cares about you. They care about the idea of you, they care about what they get when they are with you. Not YOU. When you are the best version of yourself, when you are agreeable, sweet, positive, encouraging... you will find that, suprisingly, just like magic, people like you more.
Most couples break because they chase thrills. They >
| Get them early, and lose them later. They build their entire relationships around moments of discovery and exploration, looking for hip moments, cool social circles and instant gratification. In fact, that friend of yours had sex with you because she wanted a quick thrill.
Dont put yourself down, and dont think that you are a victim of bad luck because of the bad experiences you had. No one has a perfect record, and all those were opportunities to learn.
| You are a good person, gurl. Just learn from this and move on. There are people aiming for perfection out there, and when you try to be thr best version of yourself, they will feel honored to be part of your life.
So keep your chin high, little pie.
| >>576652
>Human relationships are 120% economistic and selfish.
Hey, OP here. I don't agree on that. I'm not this way and I don't want to be like this. I know that many people believe in this, and this kind of ideology is dominant in most developed societies right now but I'm very sure this is fundamentally wrong.
>No one, absolutely no one cares about you. They care about the idea of you, they care about what they get when they are with you. Not YOU.
I'll destroy this world.
| >>576653
>In fact, that friend of yours had sex with you because she wanted a quick thrill.
In this case you could be right, but I'm not so sure about it. Usually I choose my partners carefully. A very annoying thing about this whole story is, that my estimation in someone failed not only for the first time but also fundamentally.
>Don't think that you are a victim of bad luck
I'm pretty sure about it. But things may change.
>No one has a perfect record
Yeah, but usually a better.
| >>576656 here.
>I'll destroy this world.
You're so cute, OP. I like you.
Just keep your head high and remember that no one other than you will remember, or care, about your mistakes. 10 years from now you will remember that misadventure and laugh at how important it felt and how you came to random strangers on a virtual cyberpunk bartender board to ask for help.
>>576753
Sure.
Why not?
| >>576828 do you use discord? Add Nonna#8396. Tell me if you prefer something else.
Also, same applies to you OP if you want.
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| There is this g/u/rl I once had sex with, and now I have the bad feeling she regrets it because it was not satisfying enough for her.
It was obious, that she was hot for me atm. The only thing is, she had (understandable) doubts because she still was in a three years onholding relation with another person. She asked me if she wouldn't just a cheap fuck to me. When I said "no" (which was btw. true) she prepared another joint and we smoked and had sex then.
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