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Any urban legends?
| >>562092
Uhhh...huh.
Interesting question.
I mean, kinda..? Like its disputable but also easily debunked
-op
| MANBAT
| Not a legend, but I'm putting it here anyways. I once saw a guy breaking into an automated milk farm and eating the cows alive
-Impulse
| I heared down the alley of Glitch City Times Square has dead bodies there. Hell,even the police dont even know nor we either! I hooe you dont go down there though.
| What about that one dude who slaps upright acoustic bass randomly around the city? Haven't managed to catch him yet, but my friend told me that he just plays really chill tunes while screaming his head off.
| >>562610
OH MY GOD
ITS A̶L̶A̶S̶K̶A̶N̶ ̶B̶U̶L̶L̶ ̶W̶O̶R̶M̶ THE MAD COW MUNCHER
-GEMINI
>>562644
Thats pretty meme my guy
>IA
| >>562651
What did you say about me, little girl? I'm gonna bite your head of next time I see you
-Cow Muncher
| >>562652
Ive heard that he busks out on the south side in front of that weird statue with the pipes hangin out on one side. I haven't managed to catch him there yet, but I'm gonna keep trying.
| >Urban legends
You called?
>Leeuwenhoek
| The ancient GC history site lists some, last I checked. Cow Muncher? Now that sounds like a good time.
-Reya
| Fucking crazy timing on this.
Awhile ago there was another thread on urban legends, in which someone mentioned a commlink app you can supposedly use to summon demons. After a ton of digging, I think I've found it.
Problem is, it won't work on my piece. I did some more digging through the ancient server I found the app on, and apparently it's only compatible with a handful of models that were already obsolete when the app was uploaded.
| And to make matters even worse, I have no idea which models those are. So now I have to track down as many 30 year old commlinks as I can find and pray to Satan or whoever that one of them will do the trick.
| >>563180
I have access to the oldest working commlink infrastructure you could possibly imagine, if you'd like to test that out.
-Reya
| >>563182
That might do it. I know the model I'm looking for is somewhere between 30-37 years old, so send me a list of prices for what you've got within that range and I'll see about wiring you the payment.
| >>563183
No need to pay, we can just meet up and remote-link into it (some of the infra are mainframes and things that don't easily move, hehe).
-Reya
| I have an old TX15 lying somewhere... maybe that will work
| -Nightwolf
| >>563185
That's the problem. I don't know exactly which model I need, just that it's somewhere between 30 and 37 years old. So I'm going to need everything in that range you got, and I have no idea how long it'll take to check each one. I don't want to take up your entire week, so just buying them off you so I can go through them at my leisure. Or I can rent them, whatever works.
| >>563197
Hmmmmm perhaps i can help.
Just get a bunch of bots to check of you
No need to pay as you would be satisfying my curiosity as well
>IA
| If you guys genuinely don't want me to pay you I'm good with that, I'm not exactly rolling in cash w.
But I also don't want to give anyone access to this thing until I'm sure I know what it does. It's probably just a dumb prank or some pretentious ARG bullshit, but I don't want to take any chances in case it's some kind of supervirus or something. Don't want to be responsible for destroying the city for the nth time.
| >>563200
Interesting.
Well, just tell me where to send them if you accept.
I wont be able to see the program or anything so dont worry
>IA
| >>563201
Sure, why not. Have them sent to the Tim Ho Wan dim sum restaurant in north Glitz. If that other guy wants to meet up so we can look over his stock as well, I'll meet you at the same place.
| >>563207
I mean, if you're really worried about time, you'd be surprised how far sub-AI tech had come along and how quickly it could be done...let us know how that works though.
-Reya
| Anyone heard of the tale of blackfoot herald?
Old man, like seriously old, like super super old right? Like seriously fucking old dude right? Like REALLY seriously FUCKING old.
So anyways, this really fucking old dude named Herald. He's working down in the tar pits in industrial, back when it was industrial because he's that fucking old. He's working there, spinning the tar to separate impurities out. Anyways, one day the guy falls in. Working with three other guys they try...
| ...and get him out. They use the stirring stick to get him to grab on, shouting at him to grab it. Now remember this shit is melting hot right. So the old dude is probably fucking dead right? They feel something grab the stick. They pull it up. And out comes old fucking gas bag Herald completely fucking clean. Not a single problem with him, oh wait I lied. One problem, his foot was tar black. They say he's still alive despite being old as fuck. Like he's an immortal dude.
| Except for... his foot.
| >>563441
Yeah, I've heard of that one. The version I always heard as a kid was more a variation on the classic Bloody Mary and had him entirely tarred though. They said if you covered a mirror in tar in the Industrial and said Herald's last name three times in a row, he'd manifest to drag you into the mirror and drown you in tar, at which point you'd become like him. Of course, no one knew his last name, so no one could ever disprove the legend.
| Anyways, it took a few days, but it looks like we've found a commlink that will run the devil summoning program. I didn't even know they made comms this bulky. The thing has a monocle/headphones combo that you have to wear and a fucking physical keyboard that you strap to your wrist. Thanks to everyone who donated their time and comms to setting this up. If I ever write a paper on this bullshit, I'll be sure to give credit where credit is due.
| Here goes nothing. If I don't report back, I guess you can assume it worked and I got eaten by a Satan.
| Anyone mention MANBAT...?
| Well that was a supersized helping of fucking nothing. I don't know why I'm disappointed, I knew from the start that demons don't exist and the stupid thing wouldn't actually do anything.
Sorry for the underwhelming conclusion folks. To everyone who helped, I owe you a unit of your intoxicant of choice. Here's hoping my next wild goose chase will at least produce an interesting story.
| OKAY WHAT THE FUCK. I must be going out my fucking mind. Or someone slipped me something last night. Or that thing really was a prank or a virus and it hacked my eyes and my ears or something because I was just woken up by a fucking cacophony of trumpets and cymbals and who the fuck knows what else like an orchestra smuggled itself into my living room. I checked the security cams I have set up and yep there's a fucking mob of mutants with instruments out there. No way they're human
| I am fucking tripping balls. Or I got hacked. That must be it right? Now two of them are yelling at me through my door in Latin. I'm pretty rusty but I can make out some of what they're saying. I think they aren't real. They don't seem to be able to interact with the physical world. Otherwise they'd just bust down the door right? I've seen this kind of thing before. Viruses that hijack your senses if you're wired and make you see, and sometimes even feel, shit that doesn't exist.
| Demons, actually hallucinations, hologram prank.
Yell relinquo at them and see what happens
| Tried it. Nothing. I did manage to get their names and why they're here though. One is Bebal and the other is Abalam. Both claim to be kings of Hell in service to some other king whose name I couldn't hear over the fucking unholy din. I have no clue what they're talking about.
| >>564254
Huh, servants of king paimon
Did the app need any sacrifice to summon?
If not,
Ask them "Quid vis servus a rege paimon"
>IA
| I'm not asking them anything. On the off chance they somehow actually are real demons, asking them for knowledge or favors or whatever means they get my soul right? God fucking damn it why didn't I take that elective on classical occultism, fucking best years of my life studying ancient Earth history wasted on useless bullshit. Who gives a fuck about how the Hanseatic monopoly on Baltic trade worked, Bruno von Warendorp can't do shit when Satan himself is knocking on your door.
| >>564259
Well mate, those almost no, *always* appear with their boss.
If they are here, one of the most popular goetia are nearby.
And unless you sacrificed a virgin or something, your most likely fucked.
Then revived, death fucked again, then sent to live your worst nightmare in hell for eternity
>IA
| Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm so fucked. I didn't sacrifice anything. The program didn't require one and it said the summoning was successfully completed. Or I think it did. The whole thing is in some seriously mangled Engrish and I don't remember much about it, which is weird now that I think about it, but I didn't see any indication of a sacrifice being needed.
| >>564265
They serve paimon, an ex angel that now governs knowledge and philosophy.
At the very least i think they will he somewhat peaceful.
So ask then what i told you to ask.
Its not like it will make it any worse then it already is.
Its either that, or they literally skull fuck you.
Literally, with spikey demon penises.
>IA
| Point taken. Assuming they're not just hallucinations I'm ultrascrewed regardless at this point.
You know what? I'm gonna go out there and ask them what the fuck they want face to face. If I'm going to Hell, I'll spit in each and every one of their gross mutant demon eyes as I fall. Wish me luck. Or pray I guess. Does that shit actually work?
| >>564271
Depends, personally i think religion is butt butt dumb, but most religious texts say that it only works in the first layer of hell.
Otherwise i hope your ass is prepared.
Not for demon dicc, but for the endless torrent of shit you might produce as they stab your eyeballs out and screw the fresh hole.
I should Probably stop now..sorry..
>IA
| Well that went better than I expected. By which I mean my ears are bleeding from the noise and I have a splitting headache, but beyond that both my body and soul remain unmolested.
They were surprisingly cordial. To answer your question, the two big chummers said they were here to "announce the arrival of the king of the west". Which I assume is the boss you mentioned. Said boss hasn't showed up though, and the music is starting to die down.
| Just checked the security monitors. They're gone. I'm going to say all of this bullshit was just a *really* bad trip and go back to sleep.
Thanks for all the help man. Even if it was all in my head, I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here. Probably jump out my window and crack my head open against the street.
| Well uhhh i am actually suprised that worked.
Imma go for the old meme and say "boi you need some milk" and wish you good luck or something.
So uh,yeah...
>IA
| Okay, back once more. Sorry for derailing the thread with my personal bullshit, but Mr Boss Satan finally showed up. He's actually been here since I woke up the other day, but I've been swamped with work and kind of tried to just... Forget about the whole thing. The last thing I need to think about after a 16 hour shift is the (alleged) demon sleeping on my couch.
| I'm not entirely sure what to do. I've tried to tell him to leave, but he says he won't leave until the "terms of our contract have been met". Which I'm guessing means he wants my soul or something. Naturally I'm not asking him for shit and he knows it, but while he's kind of bitchy about the situation, he hasn't tried to force or trick me into anything. He mostly just lazes around playing my video games and eating my food.
| We actually played the new Model Warrior Julianne game together last night. He's a cheating bastard, but otherwise not all that unpleasant when he's not being a haughty prissy bitch. Definitely not the worst hallucination I've ever had.
| Hmmm, these should be harmless so,
One, ask paimon where his camel is
And two, ask him what was the contract.
Devils are bound by them so there is no harm in asking, and its best to know where the camel is.
Nothing special about the camel mind you, its just that paimon always comes with one and you Probably dont want it making a mess wherever it is
>IA
| I actually already asked about the camel. I've been doing some research on demonology since all this began. Can't keep running back here for your help every time some fresh new hell gets unleashed on me, can I?
| Anyway, to answer your suggested questions, he said he usually rides a motorcycle instead of a dromedary these days. I've never seen him outside the house, so I can't confirm or deny. And about the contract, when I asked he just materialized a physical copy of the thing. On paper, even. If it weren't for the fact that now I have to read through a War and Peace size stack of demonic legalese, I'd be impressed. I'll get back to you as soon as I have an vague idea of what it says.
| >LcN would like to remind everyone that there is no definitive proof of the following urban legends
>Herald Blackfoot
>Mystery Corpses
>Mad Cow Muncher
>Demon Summoning Apps
>Manbat
>Lizardmen
>Chinchillas, they have been extinct for several years now
>The Seasquatch
>Floosie the Sea Monster
>30 foot alley spider
>Michillian the Wonder Cat
>Severtooth
>nor Thunderwing, aka Eaglelass
Alright, I want to know the Deal with Michillian the Wonder Cat right fucking now.
| >>565082
Good luck with that.
Paperwork universally sucks several shades of ass.
I can only imagine demon paperwork
>IA
| >>565132
You and I both. That's one I've never even heard of.
>>565584
You really can't until you've experienced it yourself. All doubts as to this guy being a demon evaporated the second his handout tried to bite my head off.
Anyway, to make an incredibly long story short, from what I can tell I do have to ask him for something before he can leave; however, granting my request doesn't necessarily mean he gets my soul. It's complicated and I'm not sure I understand why.
| More importantly, I have to as him for something specific using specific wording for it to count. Said things are the standard list of favors that he's associated with that I assume you already know: knowledge of the arts and sciences, good familiars, reanimating the dead, etc. What this means is that I can ask him to stop being a lazy fuck and help out around the house or stop eating all my food and he won't be able to use that as an excuse to drag me to Hell.
| I can't truly get rid of him until I request something off the list though. So I guess I'm stuck with him for the foreseeable future. Assuming, of course, I haven't gone completely batshit and he's not just a figment of my imagination. Which I'm still not sold on to be honest. But either way, I've had worse roommates. At least he's kind of pleasant. Sometimes. When he's not being a bitch.
Plus he's easy on the eyes, which is always a plus.
| I may be slightly drunk. Fucker mixes a mean marsblast.
| When it comes to urban legends there is that dude who is literally a brain in a jar. I don't really remember where i heard it from but i remember hearing about it doin some deliveries
| Personally, i think it might be true
-UNIT
| >>565749
Huh, i mean as long as he pays rent right?
Good luck with that.
Honestly i ran out of ways to contribute to this conversation a while ago.
>>565792
(Is that a fallout NV reference i detect?)
| >>565792
That one is actually (sort of) verifiably true. Back before cyberbrains became commercially viable, the best anyone wanting full cyberization could get was to put their meat brain in a jar full of preservatives and stick said jar into a MMI-capable device. Very few people went that far for obvious reasons, but a handful of pioneering scientists and aging billionaires were brave/desperate enough to do so.
| Better alternatives quickly became available though, so the trend was very short-lived. I don't know if it's even possible to find a doc who knows how to perform the procedure these days. But even if you could, why would you? There are so many better options for those who are that afraid of death. But there's always the possibility that one of those old jarheads somehow made it all the way to present time and is still hooked up to whatever ancient machine he interred himself in.
| And so they say, in the basement of an otherwise unassuming office complex Downtown, you can find a passage to a secret sub-basement left over from no one knows how many decades ago, built during the founding of GC by one of its earliest captains of industry. And among the crumbling walls and rusted old machines of unknown function is a massive, monolithic structure, in which is set a bleached-white brain floating in a jar of murky, glowing green fluid.
| No one knows how long it's been or whom it originally belonged to, but one thing is made clear by the ear-piercing metallic screech of the defense systems it activates whenever intruders dare venture into its realm and the insane, staticky cackling that sounds throughout the complex as they are rendered into a fine paste. It is utterly mad, and hates us with the kind of intensity that only eons of ceaselessly stewing in hate can create.
| And given the opportunity, it would, without a moment's hesitation, exterminate each and every one of us, so as to claim its rightful place as the immortal god-king of Glitch City.
| >>562740 >>34703a Oh! I saw him there playing the other night, seemed to draw quiet the crowd. I'm gonna go again next week to see if his there.
-Newt
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| >Urban legends thread
Dosen't matter what!
So long as its existence can be disputed and its not older then your grandparents!
Lets see what myths, mysteries and urban legends you have to tell /u/!